Lights on Me

Who will you choose?

2012-02-09T23:44:00.001+08:00

Many people are anticipating on the upcoming general elections this year, tentatively.

My take on the current political situation here in Malaysia:

Opposition :

Making use of FB and Twitter - which proves effective in the last election targeting on the more educated population and developed states, i.e, KL, Selangor, Perak & Penang. This though, at times can be really annoying due to the fanatics on FB who are objecting every single thing that the Government does. just for the sake of objecting.
Wake up call to BN (ruling party). Finally the people can stood up on their feet and tell them straight to the face, we are watching you. Hence many corruption cases are unearth, being the latest case on Shahrizat. Seriously, how could her 20+ years old children getting salary of 30-35k??? What the hell are they doing? updating FB?
Progress on the states : you got 5, namely KL, Selangor, Penang, Kedah & Kelantan, Perak (almost, unfortunately being robbed after some stupid politicians decides to leave the PKR, which still baffles me until today). KL, Selangor & Penang are sending out good news, although the state government are always under scrutinized, they survived. This time around, as long as they keep up their good job, they should be retaining their majority. Kedah, unsure about this state as it has been really quiet. government's act of giving out incentives might trigger some support back to government. Kelantan, I am sure in now way BN is going to get this state. Even my relatives who are not muslims are happy to have PAS as the state government.

Government:

Honestly, you sucked being the government for the past 50 over years. Threatening on racial issues is not going to work that effectively. After 50 years of independence, non Malays are still consider as immigrant. No matter how much Najib is trying to do, and say good things about other races, the members are divided on this matter.
Using taxpayer money for incentives. Honestly, even the blind knows that you are trying to buy votes.
Improvement in certain areas in reducing people's burden. Reducing tax, incentives, loads of it...
But how efficient can it be? Too many bureaucratic red tapes, nepotism, bribery, corruptions etc. To win people's heart, you have to let go of this useless people.
Compared to opposition leaders, they are more down to earth, less make up, less extravagant and less bureaucratic. Can BN do that? Looking at how certain politician's spend their money, and especially Mrs. Najib, I doubt it.

This is only a chip of my opinion on this upcoming general elections.While I see some improvement in government, and opposition leaders are not that balance in their willingness to make changes as what they have promised, too many things are happening. So, I would not know who I will vote for until the very last minute.

Quote from my customer few months back:

" We the businessmen, are not that fussy about politics. As long as we can make our living and get a good life for our family, I am happy enough. All we want is some balance in the government. Previous years, we see landslide wins for BN, and look at where they put us now. The inflation is high, and we the non-Malays are always being reminded to be immigrant. I was born here, stayed here, grow up here, and I pay my tax money. Why can't they treat us equally? All I hope is for them to understand our struggles, and our needs. Albeit all this, I am still proud to be a Malaysian."

My Quote

2012-02-09T23:01:00.000+08:00

You don't need to be a politician to make changes!
~Sharon Y~

Rambles

2012-01-15T21:47:00.000+08:00

After bouts of down-ness last week. I finally manage to put it aside, temporarily. I know I still need to face it when it comes. Perhaps in another month or two.

CNY is around the corner, while we are not celebrating this year, relatives are coming around to have a family dinner. Reunion dinner and new year lunch will still be on. This is the 1st time we are not having dad around. Trust me, after 2 months, I still miss him. I missed him joking around with us, doing impressions with Leonard. If he is still around, he would have love our new family member, Crystal as he always love dogs.

Another excitement, is Kevin & I will be going for a photo shooting again! Yay!! Perhaps I should ask James whether he will be around. But well, its CNY. Should be with family. Anyway, our destination will be in Dong Zen Temple in Jenjarom. As this might be the last year Kevin is around, this should be something where we can remember for a long time. Looking at the pictures of previous years online, it excites me more.

Now, I am alone at home. I do feel lonely now. But well, I have to get used to this. One of these days, these guys might just leave Malaysia. As much as I hope they wouldn't , i hope they would be able to find a job out of this country, have new opportunities.

So many things in mind to talk about. Perhaps another day.

2012

2012-01-09T02:14:00.000+08:00

1st post in 2012, and it is about pain and heartache. Definitely not a good omen for the year. But as pastor said to day, we are running to win. Not to give up just yet.

Yes, I might give up this relationship which seems more and more distance to me, but I should not give up on other things in life.

This year, I am going to climb KK Mountain. God knows how afraid am I to be given such a challenge. But its a obstacle that I need to overcome. Perhaps once I reached the top, it will open my path ahead, literally. I will have the courage to overcome my fear in life, fear of commitments, fear of being in a relationship, fear of getting out from my comfort zone.

This is a promise I have for myself. No backing off, no matter what. No matter how hard and tough it is going to be, no breaking down in tears, no more self pity.

Welcome, 2012.

Someone Like You

2012-01-08T23:39:00.001+08:00

Adele's Someone Like you has been playing in my mind today.

I felt that she's singing about what I am going through now. And its all the pain and the sadness in the song piercing into my heart today. How irony it is, how unexpected it is, how bitter sweet it is.

I guess, this is what I wanted to tell you exactly. The exact words that comes from my heart. Wonder whether you will come to my blog again after this.

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I begged
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, "
Yeah

You'd know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I begged
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."
Yeah

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I begged
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I begged
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Amy Winehouse - Love is a losing game

2011-12-29T01:09:00.001+08:00

My favourite song from Amy Winehouse. Year 2011 marks many unfortunate events, and one of it, is the passing of this star. This song touched me whenever I listen to it. All I can wonder, what has she been through to write a song so full of emotions and regrets? R.I.P Amy.

For you I was a flame
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came
Love is a losing game

One I wish I never played
Oh what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand
Love is a losing hand

Self professed... profound
Till the chips were down
...know you're a gambling man
Love is a losing hand

Though I battle blind
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind
Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds
And laughed at by the gods
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Photowalk on a rainy afternoon

2011-12-19T00:27:00.001+08:00

It's pictures like this that me wanting to take photos. Expensive hobby though, but its all worth it.

Taken in Batu Caves, on a rainy afternoon. Kevin & I just decided to go for a photo walk. Such randomness I would say. Despite his hangover, and my seriously unfit body and legs, we managed to get to the top. And without a doubt, it was no mistake at all.

The mood in the cave was quiet for a weekend. Heavy smell of incense, sounds of prayers of the devoted, the dimly lighted cave is house of the Hindu gods.

And the 272 steps, is Stairway to Heaven.

So, where should we go next?

2011-11-17T00:45:00.000+08:00

I dreamed of you today. I thought I wouldn't. Do you know how much I missed you?

Almost 2 weeks now, I really hope to see you again. At least for a second. All I have is memories of the time when we are still a family. Where you and mum will drive Leonard and me to museum, to the zoo, and even back to Seremban. I missed those times so much that I can't even bear it to be alone out here.

I have so much more to tell you. I missed hearing your voice, asking me how was my work? Whether I am fine. Even though its just through a phone. Thats the only thing that keep us together as father-daugther even when I didn't see you for months and months.

Papa, I hope you are fine up there in heavens. I am glad that your suffering on earth has ended.

I really love you and I missed you dearly.

Goodbye Papa

2011-11-05T01:56:00.000+08:00

Dad passed away last night @ 10.47 pm.

We will love you, and remember you forever. Thanks for everything you have sacrifice and given to us.

God bless you, I know you are in a happier place now.

ICU - 5th day

2011-11-04T10:00:00.000+08:00

Got a call from the hopital at 8:07am today. His BP dropped significantly - 56/33. They asked me to come immediately.

I rushed out with the same clothes i wore, ouldnt care much. It was trafic everywhere, i was driving recklessly. Suddenly i wanted to listen to worship songs, i switched it on my phone, i chose Hillsong's Hosanna. When it finished, these were the following songs:

1) How do i live without you - LeeAnn Rimes
2) i need a doctor - Dr.Dre/Eminem
3) i will survive - gloria gaynor....

Coincident?

Reached hospital after 40 mins. Dr. Ting told me to be prepared, his condition is really weak. I said i understand. They are trying their best. But his life is in God's hand.

Now I am sitting here right beside him, writing this blog. I really pray for him to let go already.

Papa,

It's ok to let go. We will take care of Granny. You don't have to worry. Mum, leonard, i will be taking care of her. Don't worry about Paul's college fees, muma already prepared everything for him. There will be enough money for him to study when time comes.

I told you before, and I am telling you again. We all have forgiven you, and I hope you forgive us as well. I am sorry for not spending more time with you in the past 10 years. I let anger and hatred covers my heart. It wasnt easy for all of us i would admit. The last 2 weeks has been both heart wrenching and happiest time we had together.

Never expect the time goes by that fast. I could have one more.

Papa, again, its ok o let go. We will miss you as you are. We will ever forget you no matter what happened. We love you.

ICU - 2nd Day

2011-11-01T21:43:00.000+08:00

Today is the 2nd day dad is in ICU. Things has not been that well to be exact. As much as I wish to be strong, i cried my heart out yesterday. It is as if the wole world crumbles down.

On Sunday, I was still talking to him, he was happy to inform me that doctors said he is responding well to the chemotherapy. I felt slight relief, at least he will survive from this ordeal. I was confident on that day.

Yesterday afternoon, I received a call from the hospital. He had difficulty breathing and was unconscious. When I reached hospital, all I can see was doctors, rushing in and out from the room, trying to stabilize him. Tubes, machines, blood everywhere. All we can do was standing outside the room watching. I couldn't cry, not even a drop of tears. I feel helpless.

Today, he was at least stable. But the doctor informed us that he cannot go through anothet chemotherapy. That is if he can pull himself out from this. I looked at him closely today. Cleaning his blood-stained lips, his face looked pale. His skin are dry ye fragile. As if i will bleed with one small scratch. Lying on the bed, almost lifeless, that is dad.

Dear Lord in heavenn,please hear my prayers. I pray o you to give him more time on this earth. At least, let us be a family again even just for few days. Thats all I ask fom You. Let him repent hos wrong doings and be part of the family again. Amen.

Forgiven

2011-10-25T00:29:00.001+08:00

Dad, I forgave you for leaving us. Humans make mistakes, you made mistakes, so do I.

We had the longest, and most honest talk in years. You teared when I described the struggle mum faced when you decided to run away from home. I am glad that you realized tat you did wrong in the past. And how happy I was when you said you are going to change from now onwards.

I ony have two requests, which is for you to spend time with granny and Paul. The two people you ignored for all these years and heavily impacted from this chaos. Mum moved on, Leonard and I are mature enough to understand your situation. And Kenny, albeit the fact he had a hard time with this whole situation, he still manage to grow up to be fine young man.

But granny is old, and you might not have much time to spend with her. She cries everytime she talks about you, and i felt its time for you to repay her for all the sacrifices she made for you. For Paul, he barely knows you. He became very passive and quiet, he doesn't talk much all these years. When I find out that he cried during one of his music class, I felt pity for him. He couldn't embrace the chaos that has surround him all this while. He feels angry, but he doesn't dare to show it to anyone. He really needs you to be in his life.

I prayed for you to be well and healthy again. And you will keep the promises you made today. It's never too late to undo your wrong doings. I will be here for you if you need me.

Praise the Lord, for answering my prayers. Amen.

Thanks Dad for the life you gave to me.

2011-10-24T01:07:00.000+08:00

I haven't been happy for the longest time.

Thats all i can say.

2011-10-20T23:35:00.000+08:00

I've never been this tired before. Both mentally and physically.

I never expect dad's health to deteriorate that fast. Now doctor is still figuring out whether its leukemia or lymphoma, and today, diabetic as well.

Since last Thursday, I hav been running around, trying to get him admmited. The nighr where received a call from the hoepital at 2 am was the scariest part. Doctors were struggling to stabilized him.

Tomorrow yet another tough day to go on. Why is this happenng?

为何？

2011-08-27T01:35:00.000+08:00

为何我一直觉得很累？
为何我放不下？
为何我那么执着？
为何我那么委屈自己？
为何我醒不来？

累与泪

2011-08-20T22:23:00.000+08:00

这是我第一次用中文写部落格。

最近想了好多事情。好想去爱一个人，却没有勇气了。他说，他需要自由，我却没办法接受。我对他是一厢情愿，他则到处留情。你若是问我为什么我还是那么执着，我想，爱是没办法理解的

他对我的关心，和对他身边的红颜知己没什么不同。他说他喜欢我，也喜欢其他人。

好几次，我提出做个了断。他却不停地挽留我。说他喜欢我，不想我们之间有座墙。而我，再次地相信他。或许，有一天，他会认定我就是他最好的选择。现在想着，我这个人真的那么天真吗？

爱一个人是那么的痛苦吗？难道他不理解我的真心吗？

我哭了，他说我太敏感。
我生气，他说我无理取闹。

好辛苦啊。。。我到底是怎么样了？那么没自信吗？难道世界没其他男人了吗？为什么还要委屈自己，爱着一个不想爱我的人呢？他说，我应该出去认识其他人。也许我会遇见一个更好的。而我却顽固地守着他。心里流着血，眼里也一直不断地流着泪。

我每天祈祷，祈求我有勇气放下这段还没开始的感情。

我好累好累。。神啊，你听到了我的祈祷吗？

Alone

2011-06-11T20:02:00.000+08:00

Here I am, alone at home.

Both my housemates has plans to go out. I can't help feeling lonely tonight. Then, I realized that I don't have much friends to hang out. Really have this feeling of going to Starbucks, grab a coffee and see some strangers.

SY, you are not getting any younger.

I know. But I am not looking for a spouse. Not yet. I am not ready. I need someone by my side though. Someone that will encourage me to move on. Someone that will love me for who I am. Not someone that they want to make me into.

SY, time to move on with life.

I want to. I thought I can live alone. Without anyone. Just to realize, I am not that strong after all.

Now what?

Hitting the gym, shower, go Starbucks, grab a latte, read a book. That's another day.

2011-06-04T12:16:00.000+08:00

I m just stoned by the news that he is dead. My ex and my dearest friend. In fact all the flash backs appear in my mind. My heart thinking of things that I wanted to share with him, the chats, the pictures, the experience, to bring him to see my niece... All that I've promised,it cannot be done now.

Although we are so far apart, I felt tremendous guilt and sadness. Wish I could have more time to talk to him again or to see him again. I wish I could see him again. I really wish...

I dunno what should I feel.. Or say. Or think. I just cant believe everything that happened.

I can't continue writing this blog. At least not today. My tears keep flowing, thinking bout him.

Goodbye Mido

2011-06-04T08:44:00.001+08:00

Hey Mido,

I still can't believe that you are gone. Your friend left me a message in FB. I wasn't sure whether I was prepared to hear it. The war took away your life. But I am sure that was what you really wanted to do. Given the 2nd chance, you would have go for the war again against the government.

Can't even believed that the last time we talked was on my birthday last year. If I can turn back time, I would have told you how much I missed you my friend.

After knowing you for 6 years, you are one of my closest friend. I am sorry for hurting your feelings. I am sorry that we can't be together. I am sorry for putting your life in misery. I am sorry for everything.

When your friend told me that your security question for you FB account is my name, my heart literally sank. I should believed what you told me all this while. I am really sorry Mido.

Your people is slowly winning the war from your government.I know you will be happy to hear in heaven. As that was what you wanted for your country since the first day I know u.

Although you have left this world, I will keep praying for your family to be in good health. I guess God love you more this time around.I will surely miss you.

Shosho.

Family

2011-05-18T02:34:00.000+08:00

Again, I have not blog for quite some time.

Was thinking about our family today.I went back to Klang, to see my mum. Chatted with her awhile, then slept for the rest of the day. She's getting old for sure. Yet, she still have so much more to do for everyone. For me, I am staying away from family for years. And I tried my best to go back home as often as I can.

Yesterday, saw my niece's pictures on Facebook. Funny how it became these days. The last time I saw her was in January, the day she was born. It has been more than 5 months now, and I didn't see her at all. What has become of our life? Thinking back into my childhood, Leonard and I were so close. We grew up together, and fight with each other all the time. That was the best time of life. Later in life, we grew apart. He pursue his career in music, while I went Sabah for 4 years. He got married, and moved to KL. I left the house to work in KL. We met occasionally at family functions. However, there are much less to talk about these days.

With Kenny and Paul, our age gap is too big and not able to communicate well. Just like that, I felt we are growing away from each other every day. The only thing that keep us together is mum apparently. She's the only reason for us to come back as family. This eventually make more afraid of losing mum one day. Wonder what would happen after she is gone?

I really hope that one day, things will change. At least for us siblings to look out for each other. Keeping in touch via phone or mail, visiting each other whenever we can. I believed that is what mum wants too.

Ambitious

2011-04-24T20:30:00.000+08:00

I have a crazy idea, to start my own business. I spoke to few people, yet, others seems to be in their comfort zone. They want to stay put in their current situation. Or are they not confident enough with me.

Am I the ambitious one here? As far as I know, I do not want to work for people in the future. I want to work for myself. Answering to myself. Taking off whenever I want.

Current working condition has been really tough. Answering questions. Managing perceptions especially. It was a new term that I learned few months back. To progress, every thing is about management's perception towards you. We even have a panel for higher management to review on us yearly.

If you fu**** something up, you are done. You will never ever be able to move on. I only wonder how did people manage to work there for donkey years. Don't they get tired or bored with the same people, same job? Occasionally, seeing people who did not work as hard as you get all the recognition they want.

I know I'm being grumpy because the figures are bad this month. Now, I am wondering what else to answer to them. What do I need to tell them to ensure them to understand that I have not been slacking off. I have been doing my job the best I can.

Come back to business thing. I do not have the experience. But I really need to start off something. Fast. I need planning, I need brain storming. I need support and the encouragement. I am feeling tired working for people.

Perhaps one day when I looked back, at least I won't regret that I was too scared to do anything bout my life. I want to be successful, in my own terms. Serving God, serving the community and family. Which I am not able to do so, as long as I am working here.

So, I pray to God, let me be enlightened, let me have the courage and sources to start off a new life. Let me be able to gain a better life.

Amen.

iPad craze!

2011-04-17T18:49:00.000+08:00

I got an iPad from My company! I can't believe it. While JC and DES is selling theirs, I'm keeping this one. For my own pleasure, and lending to Irfee and Kev for showing off.

Thanks to 2010, for being such a good year. Thank God for giving me a such blessings. We reap what we sow, that's the theory ain't it?

All I hope for this year is to keep the momentum going. Not hitting blue sky is ok, this is the foundation year for FSE. All I want is to keep on hitting target, have the patience to close those pipelines and be prepare for 2012. Whaddya think? Hehe, achievable?

12 more days and I'm moving! Excited? Definitely! Can't wait to move. ;)

Hosanna

2011-04-14T19:43:00.001+08:00

I see the King of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes
I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Q1 ended

2011-04-07T00:58:00.000+08:00

1st 3 months of the year has passed.

What have I done? Nothing much except work, work and more work.

3 more weeks, and I will be moving to a new place. So many things to do.. This is the list of things that I need to do in April:

1) Pack stuffs
2) Clean house
3) Watch F1 in Sepang
4) Dinner in Sage, consolation for being OSP 1st runner up
5) MSR
6) Hit target, for heaven sake!!
7) Tax

Not bad for a 1st month of Q2.. Damn, I'm feeling really tired..

Updates**

2011-03-04T21:21:00.000+08:00

I didn't realize it has been so long since i last updated my blog. I was too caught up with work and the consequences is... I lost my direction in life.

I have been working hard, driving from a customer to another daily. I even went deep inside a oil palm estate to look for one of my customer. It got scary as for kilometers, there was no one in sight. Not even a fly.

These days, I am not sure where am I heading to. Really feel tired with work, to the point that I want to quit. The pressure from management, and from myself, I am not sure what am I doing. And I don't like the feeling of being aimless and headless.

Somehow, I feel really lonely today. In relationship with friends, family, colleagues, or the special loved one, which I do not have at the moment, i failed most of the time. Am i too obnoxious, arrogant and egoistic, to admit to myself that I need people around me too? All I feel is loneliness. There were times on the road during the day, I just feel like calling someone to talk. Yet when I browse through my phonebook, I found no one that I can call. What has become of me these days? I wonder myself.

Anyhow, I have to sleep now. Few more hours, and I am going to Broga Hill. No idea what to expect. But I guess it is a good change for once. At least before Sunday comes and I have to face my customer to apologize... (I will write about this next time)..

All rite, adios!

Cats & Dogs

2011-02-15T12:20:00.000+08:00

Hmm... 1st, it was a dog. Now I have a Persian Cat to be given away... Thanks to Kenny who found it straying around his apartment.

" Jie, can come and take the cat away ah....Don't have privacy la.." (Not the exact sentence, but thats what I understand).

Kenny, what privacy you need from a cat? As if he/ she understands what you are doing. Maybe you should consider having it there to get rid of all the rats in your room.

So now, later today, I need to go Cyberjaya, to get the cat, with the cat food and the litter box from Kenny and my mind is thinking now where to place this bugger..I need to find a home for it.. Pet shop perhaps?

Somehow, what is it in store for me this year aside from being animal friendly? Since December, I have been getting really closely in touch with animals around me.. Monkeys, cows, dogs, dog and cat..What's next? A pig or a goat?

"Meow, meow, meow...." How la... anyone wants a Persian Cat? FOC. Anyone??

Valentine

2011-02-12T01:36:00.000+08:00

2 more days to Valentine's Day, this year I am alone. I agreed that there's nothing much to be celebrated. Everything is over priced, food, flowers, chocolates... EVERYTHING.

This year, I don't have anyone to celebrate together. Not that I celebrated last year, but i thought it will be nice to be reminded that someone out there loves you and care for you. It gives you this warm fuzzy feeling that someone actually adores you. Willing to spend a small fortune to make you happy, even just for a day.

Looking at my friends and classmates, more and more of them are already married. My gran and mum, finally press the panic button, asking me when would it be my turn? Pestering on getting me a candidate. Can I just answer, "NEVER"? How I wish so. Haha.. poor gran and mum.. I asked them to bug Kenny instead.

Maybe I can ask my mum to be my Valentine this year. Hehehe... do you think she will agree?

It's Over

2011-02-09T00:42:00.000+08:00

It's all done! That's all I can say. The only thing left to do is to pick up the letter and it's over.

What a nightmare for the past few days. It was really scary when I started receiving threats from this guy. Throughout the process, I was wondering what did I do that I deserve to go through all this madness. I was really glad when the papers were signed he stop SMS-ing.

Somehow after these past few days, I am seriously thinking whether I should go back to my studies. I really feel like I need to, go back for Psychology, perhaps majoring in Counselling and make a career out of it.

I felt that maybe God has something else in his plan for me.

SMS

2011-02-07T20:31:00.000+08:00

After receiving 40++ SMSes in 2 days from 1 person, I surprised myself with my diplomacy and patience. And trust me, these are messages with CAPITAL LETTERS throughout. It really get onto my nerves by end of the 1st day.

We finally come to an agreement. 450 for the dog. Without the cert. I prayed to God, cross my fingers that this will be it. And I hope he wont be harrassing me after this.

Money - checked
Pictures -checked
Contract - emm... still working on it.

Taking back

2011-02-06T11:54:00.001+08:00

"It's not about money that saddened me, it's the promise and words that was taken back." I told Kevin last night.

That was the dilemma that I have to go through yesterday. I broke a family's hard by asking something back from them. Yes, I know the dog doesn't belong to me in the 1st place. But I was the mediator between the owner and the new owner.

After a week of finding a good home for the dog, the previous owner wants it back, threatened to lodge police report. He has his case, as there was no proof that he agrees to let it go in the 1st place. With all the harassment done on a family, I have to get it back to him.

It really breaks my heart and I am feeling really guilty for what has happened. Was I at fault for all this to happen? Numerous of SMSes and calls has been made and received, I can't sleep well at all.

Wondering what was the lesson behind all this havoc?

In my last SMS: "I believe the dog is actually safer and happier with your family rather than the previous owner, but the situation is really out of hand. I'm Sorry."

Old friends

2011-02-02T03:17:00.000+08:00

I've known Sandz for 9 years, entering our 10 years of friendship by now. We started to get close only in the final year of study in UMS.

Jules, I've known her since 1st year of secondary school. That's 16 years ago.

Eric, I knew him the same year I know Jules, but he was in a different class back then. We became really clsoe after graduated from high school and he remembered to call me when ever he is around.

Zura, I've known her since the 1st day in DHL. She was my senior, and we became really close after that. Until today. Time span? 3 years.

I've known Irfan for 4 years plus, coming to 5 years now. He's more like a brother to me, we've been housemates for the past 2.5 years.

Kevin, 6 months, my housemate and another close friend of me. We think alike in lots of stuffs, crazy bout F1 and Man U.

I don't have that many close friends in life. But I really treausre all 6 of them here. Each and everyone provide me some reason to hold on, to live on and to survive in this cold cold world. They made me smile, they shared my burden and sorrow, what else can I ask for?

I am not the type of person that likes to mingle around with people, hence not that active with social life. Somehow, I am blessed with knowing these wonderful people.

Good night everyone. It's 3:15am and I am still writing on my blog. Tomorrow onwards I am on leave. Happy CNY everyone!

I need attention

2011-01-30T00:19:00.000+08:00

I am a woman, and feels that I did lots of stuffs for lots of people, all the time. I give in most of the time. I don't argue or demand for anything.

I am very logic and realistic and independent. Too independent at times. Sometimes being taken for granted easily.

But lately, my mood swing is getting crazier. Just a snap, and my mood changed. I notice it as well. In my head, there's lots of things jumbled up. I can't find anyone to talk to. I felt, alone. No matter how much I tried to explain, when it comes to face-to-face interaction, I lose out. I don't feel comfortable at all. I am lacking of confidence when it comes to pepeople interaction. I just can't be happy and I don;t know wh

Irony

2011-01-25T19:41:00.000+08:00

I am managing 2 blogs now. 1 to jot down happiness, while the other one, basically recording all my pessimism.

How to maintain that balance in life? I am learning.

How to remain positive in such pessimist mood?

How to be pessimist when one is trying to remember all happy thoughts?

Irony isn't it?

That's what life is, how life works. I am thankful for everything that has been given upon me by God. Hardships, happiness, tears, courage, sadness.... all the irony in life, is what I call adventure.

Drowning

2011-01-22T14:16:00.000+08:00

The more I think about work, the more I hated it. I don't remember when was the last time I hate my job. If I can survive without the salary, I will choose not to work now.

Early this week, I started a new blog, to jot down one happy thing that cheer me up and make me smile,only one thing. By the 5th day, I find it tough to even maintain. I feel lost in my job, my work, my relationship with family and friends. I don't feel motivated at all to even work. Yet my ex-bosses looked up highly on me. I feel pressured but I didn't know how to tell my current boss.

Working alone outside and not getting the support really makes me feel helpless. And being my vain self, I need attention. I need words of encouragement and show how. Some how I don't feel that I am suitable for the job. I don't know why.

Perhaps I would be happier if I stay in job in telesales. Dunno la...

Resolution

2011-01-08T23:38:00.002+08:00

2nd post of 2011. What would I be rambling about? Actually, nothing much to talk about. Just feel like writing (or rather typing) things out.

Looking back in 2010, so many things has happened. Lots of frustrating times, and although I have gotten much of commision, nothing seems to stay in my pocket. And I'm still at debt with the government for education fund.

Thought of studying again, but yet, I don't think I will any soon. It's no longer in priority. It's no longer possible.

Thought of buying a house, a modest one, but not at this moment. House prices is currently rising like mad. Imagine a double storey terrace house cost 700k in Klang Lama. Apartment cost around 350k at least... How would I be able to get my own house?

Thought of changing my car, but well, I'm working in Balakong and Kajang, and Bangi. No use of buying a good car only to risk it hitting a pot hole or a cow eventually.

Thought and thoughts.... everything can only be imagined in my head. Which one will materialize though?

Last week I dreamed I took over the world, yes, just like Pinky and the Brain. I virtually controlled everything in the world.. what a feeling, and how disappointed was it when I woke up, knowing that it's only a dream.. sigh..

Any way, 2011, what's my resolution?

Honestly speaking, no matter how many people telling me that money is not everything, it will be my resolution this year, to be able to clear my debts, earn more money and buy myself a property. Fingers crossed, and see what I will achieve this year. Mum said my horoscope this year not that good though.... how la..?

Could this be it?

2011-01-03T17:32:00.003+08:00

I like it when light bulbs appear in cartoons, showing that the character was inspired by an idea. I called it the "Ting" moment.

3 of us in the house, sat down watching TV last nite. I always enjoy the company of my house mates, chit chatting bout world issue that doesn't concern any of us, that's what happened most of the time.

Yesterday, the "ting" moment appears in my mind and I asked "What was the easiest and fastest way to make a commendable amount of money?" We all start talking and planning bout how we can make money, doing business as a team. Ideas poured out, never really think that there are so many things that we can do. Best part of the whole thing is, it's all workable! It can be done, with some patience and connections, all this can be done and it's almost money back guarantee!

All I can wonder is, could this be it? Is this the opportunity that we are all waiting for? Will it be a breakthrough in 2011?

I can only ponder what are the possibilities out there for each of us. Ironically, a day earlier, I was dreaming about taking over the world. How ambitious was I? Only God knows.

So, I think we need to plan out the whole business, starting from scratch. Time is wearing out very soon and hence we need to act fast. I'm just really excited about all this. :)

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T02:42:00.004+08:00

I was alone at home today. After a gruelling travel down south and back. Went back to PJ to finish my report. How I wish I could stay back in Klang tonight. Then I saw the stack of movies that I brought back from Seremban. Something caught my eye.. and this was the movie.

It was a story bout a violin prodigy Liu Xiao Chun and his father, Liu Cheng, who hails from a poor village to Beijing with one purpose, to get a good teacher for the son. The protagonist however, was unappreciative of his father's effort. The movie expressed the love of a father for his son, even though they are not biologically related; and how the son discover his true feelings of love and gratitude to his father, whom has sacrifice everything for the sake of getting him to stardom. The movie ended with Xiao Chun, running away from a prestigious competition to seek for his father who plans to return to their old village.

It was a no brainer that I was crying through out the second disc of the movie. I suddenly thought of my dad. My car's battery died and I had no choice but to call my dad for help. He came, despite all the awkwardness between him, mum and the family. He came, helped me to pushed and jumpstart the car. One might say it was just a small favour, but it really meant something to me. NO matter what happens, he will always be my dad, and me, his daughter. Nothing in this earth can change that. No matter how angry was I, I know that he loves me and my brothers. Perhaps, he needs more time to find his way in life. I don't know. Sadly, I didn't manage to say "Thank You" to him..I guess it's just too awkward.

Anyhow, it's already Christmas. Merry Xmas to everyone, who reads. Have a blessed and day.

29th Year

2010-12-20T22:46:00.005+08:00

Celebrated birthday with family, for once in my life after a very long time. It was simple, warm and very thoughtful of everyone.

3 things that made me very happy yesterday:

Firstly all my aunts and my grand aunt, couldn't remember how old was I. One said, 25, the other said I looked younger. Maybe they are just trying to be nice. :)

Secondly, Sam Yee (3rd aunt) baked me a cake. Homemade chocolate moist cake, with Christmas decorations on top.

Thirdly, celebrating birthday with my gran (mum's mom). And after all these years, she still refuse to disclose when was her actual birthday. Woman. :P

1 more year to hit number 30. How do I feel, I don't feel old. In fact, I felt younger than before. Maybe it's the maturity that comes with the age, felt that I have much more to see, to experience, to learn and to live for.

On FB, I was overwhelmed by the number of wishes from my friends, far and near. Didn't expect to get so many calls from overseas, text messages from colleagues and friends. I can only conclude one thing, you don't need a party to feel good on your birthday. Thank you all for your kind thoughts, every word and warm wishes from you, make me smile.

Above all things, I would really like to dedicate this blessed birthday to my mum, whom 29 years ago, endure the pain to bring me to this world. 29 years later, I wish I could do more for her, nothing in this world can express my gratefulness and thankfulness to my mom.

Hence, Happy Birthday mummy. Love you lots.

December

2010-12-16T15:20:00.002+08:00

December kicks in, and... "tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la....la la la la."

1) Christmas time is here.. already got my 1st Christmas gift a.k.a. Birthday gift for this year, from my house mates..

2) Birthday coming.. another year older..

3) New year coming..

4)Got a considerably big Christmas gift from company... (Euro 100!! Yippee!)

5) Clearing annual leaves.. 5 more days to go for this year.

6) Anticipating for CHC's year end show.. heard its good, but can only go for tomorrow's show..

7)Staying alone for the next 2 weeks..kinda bored at the moment. Can't wait to have my house mates back!

8) Rains a lot, hope for snow..

9) Time to recharge.

10) Family time down in Johor next week. 5 hours of drive....:( Maybe I can popped down to Singapore..

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone..

If I were to choose

2010-12-07T15:33:00.004+08:00

If I were to choose:

1) I want to go back to my childhood and never grow up.
2) I want to undo some decisions I made.
3) I want to spend more time enjoying life.
4) I want to speak my mind.
5) I want to run away from this life.

Finally, sweet win....

2010-12-06T22:40:00.004+08:00

Today, was a crazy day.

Went all the way to Kajang, to see a customer. Traffic, rain, mud, sweat and got scolded by customer for some twisted service issue.

This has been one of my major pipelines to win, and after all persuasion for 1 1/2 hours, sit in with 4 different decision maker, and volunteered to take their shipments back to service centre, they finally said, " We would actually love to work with you, if you can prolong our pickup time." And hey, that's what I was working on for the past whole month! And without telling them, I have already gotten the green light to start the project! Sweet win, well, not yet, but it feels really good to win some business!

I guess that's the kick of doing sales, aside from all the crazy demands and endless sales review......its nerve wrecking, day by day. But when you nail a business, you feel like you're on top of the world!

Back home now, just after shower, and a con-call, and replying some emails. All done, but yet to have a dinner. I just hope my gastric problems doesn't come back to haunt me. I hate that feeling.

M.I.A.

2010-12-06T00:12:00.003+08:00

I'm kinda under the weather these days, moody and unstable.

I don't know what I can do. Feeling relatively alone. Even though there are friends around, but I'm heading no where. Perhaps just really anti-social.

More friends are getting married, not that I wasn't invited, just perhaps it's due to my personal dislike of weddings. I skipped most of it. If one day, I ever get married, I don't think I will invite any one. Maybe few of my close friends, which is only a handful. No relatives aside from my parents and siblings. Thats all. NO hassle.

One question that I asked few people these days. If one day, I went missing, not replying emails or phone or anything for days or even months, where do they think I will be? They are afraid that I might do something stupid like committing suicide. Seriously, I won't. At least not at this point.

Tomorrow, is yet another day. Another day to work, and I feel really tired. Not sleepy, but tired. Maybe I should really just go away from all this. Give myself a break. A long break if possible.

Crisis

2010-11-28T15:47:00.005+08:00

Today, it's really not a good day. I am mentally exhausted, and I really don't feel like talking to anyone. I feel really disappointed with many people. Too many to be named, too many promises that has been broken.

I was blamed for things that I didn't do. Again. I was blamed that the way I handle things, the my ways were wrong. That I make a mess out of things. And I could say, I really felt bad and I feel like crying.

Again, should I give up on this one thing that has been boggling my mind for months? Maybe I should, just once and for all. Let me settle it and move on. The more I am trying to keep it out, the more it will haunt me.

Speechless altogether. Work, family and every other single thing in life, went haywire.
And after all this is over, I will be alone, again. Such irony in life.

Plans?

2010-11-20T10:13:00.005+08:00

Sorry bloggie. I have not write for some time. I have lots to do and think these days. Although I do not know who will be reading you from time to time, I will not abandon you. At least not now.

After 2 days of JSV, feeling a lil bit relief. Review wasn't bad at all, but still, there's lots to work on. And its MSR next week!! Ahhhh!!!! No!!!!! More work to do over the weekend...

Waken up again this morning by customer. I dun mind being waken up every morning if she can commit 100k per month to us. Well, I would mine, but hey, its the edge that we have holding off our competitors. So, not a problem, at least for now.

Mixed feelings this morning. I think everything has to come to an end. Even life. The question that pops up in mind is, when? Or should I stop it intentionally? If you are happy doing or having something, would you let it go eventually for the benefit of others? Or should I be selfish? I am confused at times and I wonder why do I think so much? Is it because I like to be in control of my life? Or I think I am just a giver in nature?

Lots have happens over the couple of months, both in personal life and work. I wonder how much longer can I hold on to sanity. Is this life all about? Where am I heading to? What's next in life that I need to work on for? Exactly 1 more month to my Birthday. Both Kev and Irfan will be away at that time. No celebration this year and no. 30 seems to be closer than before. Yeah, age is not a problem, everyone says that. But it marks a stage of life where normal people thinks about settling down and having families. Couples would plan for housing loan, calculating salaries from both sides, getting a good car, plan for child education...

What is life all about anyway?

What is it about being an account manager?

2010-11-16T19:36:00.002+08:00

16th day in my new role.. getting tired? A little, I think.

What have I learnt or more like learned about this role so far?

1) Wins don't come by easily. If it comes, it's windfall, if it's gone, you are losing your commission, even when you only lose 1 customer.
2) Going to see customer without doing homework is plain stupid.
3) Persistence... is harder than you ever thought.
4) Managing perception, its a skill and an important lesson as well.
5) Stamina!!!
6) Doing well as a Telesales, does not translate into success as an account manager.
7) Time management. Pre-call planning helps.
8) Creativity is an advantage.
9) Patience.
10)Work smart.

Ah... stress level at a high point.

Discipline

2010-11-04T21:27:00.001+08:00

–noun

training to act in accordance with rules; drill: militarydiscipline.

There's lots of meanings for this word. Yes, it sounds harsh and punishing, but it keep us in place of what we should and should not do. Basically, discipline is like a social police, keeping the society in sanity.

Spoke to Mark today, my ex-boss. I really missed listening to his nagging. That's how our conversation went today..

"Tell Brandon that he should make at least 6 customer visits a day, and you, at least 5. Giving that your area is huge."

"But Mark, my place is really far.. Going to Kajang to and fro has taken me 2 hours, meeting only 1 customer.." I said.

"No BUTs. You should leave office by 9:15 every day, 10 o'clock ,1st appointment.. then 11, 12, break for lunch, 2 o'clock then 3 another one. You can even squeeze another one at 4 if you want to.. See? Who says can't make 6 calls?"

"errr...."

"Make sure you and Brandon be discipline. Come back to EPJ (Our office) after the visits. Once your lose your discipline, you are gone."

That's Mark. Just like our big brother, who nags like and old man at times, but always meant good. Yap told me that my ex-managers really "sayang" me, full of praise and really looking forward for my performance next year. I didn't want to believe but they even praise me in front of my new boss' boss. That's what Jack said.

Who thought I will be so lovable in the office. hehehehehe... Well, I really "sayang" them too. I think I need to buy something for them in my next trip to TM. :) Suddenly I feel like there's whole lot of pressure on me, as if everyone is waiting for me to show what I can do. Even BK came and compliment me for securing the business, putting pressure on my new team mates. It's just really overwhelming. But hey, there's much more to learn and do in my ailing base. But Thank God for the great start of my new role.

Back to the word discipline. Some said its boring as you are following the norms. But come to think of it, the rules set must have some reason behind it, or else why would people creates laws, rules and regulations in everyday's life? Working here, everything is about discipline. The number of calls you made, the number of customer you visit daily, updating report on time et cetera.... all this take hell lot of discipline. And seriously, it's very hard to keep up. But there are just too many examples of failures in the whole sales team, all due to lack of discipline.

The only thing in my mind is: Will I be successful by just being discipline in my work, given the fact that I have so much freedom in hand?

Oh, and another thing, when can I find the motivation to discipline myself to the gym?

Hehehehe.... Only God knows.

3rd day

2010-11-03T23:01:00.004+08:00

Today is Sandz' birhtday. Happy Birthday Sandz! Hope you had great celebration this year! :)

Today is also the 3rd day of my life as an account manager. How does it feel? All I can say its pure craziness. One can only ogle at the pace we are working, especially for those who are not in the same industry. 24/7, goods are being moved, from one place to another, reaching to the end of the world and unknown places. Sometimes I feel that we are performing magic every day. Doing things beyond imagination, planes, trains, truck, even bicycle...all were used to cater to our customer's needs. That's basically the life of this industry.

Manage to secure a big shipment, worth 150k to be exact. Thanks to my operation colleagues, and my managers, strings are pulled and wonders created. Even got a note from my ex-boss, congratulating me for securing the business. But I guess, the credit goes to the team. The whole team. From courier to operational staffs to the supervisors, each and everyone of them helped out on the shipment. Wonder what can I do to show my gratitude? Without them, none of this can be done.

Of course this is only the tip of the iceberg of what I will be facing next few years (I hope... ), as Bryan said, there will be more challenges ahead. Can I sail through this? Can I excel and achieve my targets? Can I survive the madness of the industry? All I can say is, I hope so. Can't ask for much, but hard work does pay off at times. At least that's what I have been through this year.

Tomorrow is another new day, new challenges and new people to meet. I'm dead exhausted but hey, I'm happy. That's what everyone should feel isn't it? No complains, except for the neck and backache.. and the point that i'm really sleepy... :) But well, it was a good day and hope lady luck stands by me through out the weekend. As Simmone said it, cross my fingers, cross my legs, and cross my 'bulu' as well. =p

Lonely

2010-10-19T23:42:00.002+08:00

11 more days to go. Starting next month, I will be living a different life. Working life it is.

Wonder why I blog so much these days. Not some world changing material, but I just find that there are lots of things that I couldn't share it out. Basically, not many people that I can speak to. Now, with me going out from the office, going out to meet customers on my own, it will be tough. I think I will feel much more lonelier than what I am now.

Mark asked me, whether I want to reconsider. I know he's joking, but I'm actually feel reluctant to go. Many reasons that contributes to it. But well, I have sign the contract. No turning back. Lonely or not, life still goes on.

Things changed so much for the past few months. Emotionally, I'm not as stable as I think I am. I just chose to hide what I think, or what I feel. In fact I don't feel anything in particular. It's just numb. Just smile. Let others around me be happy, and not feeling bad because of me. I know it's not healthy, but that's all I can do.

I seriously want to change, but then, human, being human, being the female population of the species, life ain't easy. As long as I don't get into insanity, I should be happy. I have not gone back to Klang for weeks, kinda miss mum, Paul, and yes, Gran. Will make a point to go back this week. Even just for an afternoon. Family is still the best people to be around with. Home, is still the best place to stay at.

Cleanup!

2010-10-17T17:56:00.002+08:00

Few minutes ago, I cancelled the games that I used to play like mad on FB. No more Mafia Wars or Cafe World. They are out of my life once and for all.

It has been tough to put up on it and seriously I don't have much time for all that from now on. No more late night updates on the games. I have much more to do and achieve in my hands now.

Still few more things to go:

1) Myspace

2) Tagged

3) Netlog - cancelled 1 account, 1 more to go.

4) Zorpia

5) Friendster

Item (1) - (5): I don't even remember the passwords.. How la.

Looking back on all this social network, it's really hilarious. I never recall how many social network site that I have registered through out the years. How silly was I to meet people virtually. It does impacted me as I am never a social person and I'm much comfortable going online.

I guess, having FB as the sole so-called "Social point" is enough. I don't need 5 other sites that offers similar thing. Alright, back to work!

Are women supposed to be dumb?

2010-10-10T22:54:00.004+08:00

Age has definitely catch up with me. Been clubbing whole night through and had only short naps today due to the urge to watch F1 qualifying and actual race. And now, after wearing heels whole night, and losing sleeping time, I feel like my whole body is falling apart.

Been doing lots of thinking yesterday, was wondering when will I let my brain stop thinking. I asked myself lots of questions, about myself and decisions I made recently.

Who am I actually?

How does others perceive me?

How does my friends think of me?

Reason was actually pretty simple. I made lots of decision that I feel like I am being taken granted of. They know me too well. No matter what they do, I will still be their friends. JP told me, I must have needs, must have the guts to tell them I need a favor, I need attention, to put it in simple words, I must have guts to demand. Why do I let people walk all over me, without saying a word? Is it because I don't like confrontation? Or is it I'm afraid that if I confront them, they will eventually walk out of my life?

I chose "Lights on Me" as the blog name, because that's what I am. I need attention, which was hard to get at home as my parents and family feels that my brothers need more attention than I am. At work, I almost never complain. I work and work, without complaining bout targets or workload. If I have to, I will just work over time, no grudge what ever. In social life, I don't possess attractive looks and sometimes, I feel left out because of this. All I have is my knowledge and my brain, but how many people out there really appreciate what I have?

JP told me that I'm too tough, almost like a man. It scares people away, especially men. But hey, thats what I am. I'm proud of what I am, but does it really scares people away? I don't like spending time talking nonsense on the phone. I don't like sending SMS that are pointless. I'm just too bloody rational and realistic. Rather than spending away on making pointless comments, I read and keep on learning. I think about making the most out of my life. Learning new things and venture into new horizon.

Sometimes, I wonder why can't I be like some other woman. Just don't bother to even learn. Act like what men wants a woman to be. Dumb. My guy friends always boast bout their gf, that they are 'simple minded' and easy to please. Buy something fancy and expensive and they are all yours. And I truly believe that their GFs are happy as well.

Maybe I have to change myself to be like this 'simple minded' girls. Perhaps people especially men would appreciate me more than now. But nah. Why should I degrade myself to a mindless bimbo /jumbo (looking at my size) like what they prefer? Why giving in to social pressure while I know I can do much and achieve much more than what I am doing now?

Conclusion: I have to learn to love myself more than anything or anyone and that's my 2 cents for the day.

How far would you go?

2010-10-06T13:03:00.003+08:00

Everyone has dreams and targets in life, some are even obssessed with target setting. Perhaps it's due to my nature of work, I hate targets and I hate setting targets. It actually constrain one self into doing repetitive work and routine day in day out, just to achieve that 'particular' target. Where is self-enhancement and personality growth in this? THIS is the problem working in an MNC.

Put aside targets in work, I remembered one of my friends, back in Uni, she set herself a target to have a family before she turns 30. 8 years down the road, she's a divorcee. When I asked what changes, she said, she was too impatient to get married back then. She has a son, but the custody was given to her ex-husband and she can only see him once in a month. Sad? Regrets? Maybe she has her own mind on it. But I can feel that she is relieved, being given a 2nd chance in life outside the stressful marriage.

People do silly things just to achieve something that they are craving. In relationships, girls and guys does many silly things just to ensure that their target person pay full attention to them and them only. And I have a fair share of all these experience.

Another friend of mine, we were classmates for a very short period during pre-u. She was working as a tuition teacher and teaching music as well to earn her tuition fees. Then one day, she fell for one of our seniors back then. Albeit knowing the guy did not have the same interest in her, she bought him a wallet to please him, worth RM 600! Back then, for us who are still studying, there's hell lot of money. And she's willingly give it away as a present. And the guy, accepted the gift of 'love' without any guilt. She continued to shower him with gifts and presents up to the day when she couldn't even afford to buy herself lunch and she never even feel regret. The point is clear, that's how far she can go to get what she wants.

What bout those girls who spend basically nothing on food, just to save for a designer's bag with a hefty price tag? Some might even venture into prostitution and do part times, just to get their hands on all those branded stuffs. Are all this target even real or worth it? To them, definitely.

Not to forget those people who back-stabbed each other in the office, just to allow them to climb up the corporate ladder. It can be that bad, that they might not have 2nd thoughts to get rid of their competition. What do you call these people, are they just being competitive or are they ethically and morally corrupted? It's a fine line on how to differentiate it.

Thoughts for the day?

What would you do to reach your dreams, to get something that you really really want? Be it money, career, lifestyle, bf/gf, or any materials basically.

Do have a thought on this, and think, how far would you go?

Lazy Monday

2010-10-04T21:24:00.003+08:00

Got my ears pierced again. For the 2nd time, as the 1st one was a failure. This time, I will make sure it stays because there's no way that I will be doing this again and again... unless I'm addicted to the pain.

Anyway, had my day at the immigration office. I finally got my passport, but the pictures sucks. Kev said I looked like outdated China girl who just came to the city for the very first time. Well mainly its due to the photographer who keep asking me to put my hair behind the ears. He said I have to do that because I have to show my ears in the picture or they will reject it.

So my trendy bob hairstyle flew out the window and I ended up with a 'ah lian' picture for the next 5 years. Even the immigration office were skeptical with the picture as I looked really different in the pictures. If not for the same top that I wore, he could have asked me to retake my pictures.. sigh.

Well, what is there to complain? As long as I get my passport and I will start my journey outside Malaysia for the 1st time in my life. No more looking at pictures or documentaries bout other countries. I think I will start from Singapore, perhaps visiting Ping Ping there. I do miss chatting with her these days.

Anyway, really enjoyed a long weekend without work. And I don't even want to imagine how much work that have piled up all this while. It's nice to be out of routine once in awhile. Really enjoy the time doing window shopping. We went to the mall today and all I did was my piercing, had tea at the Saint Cinnamon, hangout in MPH and then Borders, we basically did not buy anything. 3 hours spent, just like that.

I still have things in my list, but let's hold back awhile and reconsider my budget. Oh well, working again tomorrow, time to iron my clothes. sigh..

Restart

2010-10-01T22:41:00.004+08:00

Had dinner in Sushi Tei @ Tropicana with Zura today.. Really full now, with pieces of sushi still swimming in my stomach. Sometimes, the best way to end a day is to hangout with friends, especially those good one who accepts you no matter what you did.

New month, new target, life going to change very soon. Maybe I wont have time for anything else. Soon, my mind will be on my work all the time. Nothing else to think about.

Current changes that happens in my life, is it for good or bad, I really dunno.

People said I smile a lot, said that I looked much happier these days. Looking lots more attractive and all the good things that they usually said to impress. Yes, I changed how I look like. But am I really happy? Maybe yes, maybe no.

My mind is thinking a lot of stuffs, things that make me feeling depressed and things that make me feeling good. Maybe I am having bipolar disorder. It's really dangerous, because I do not know whether I'm having psychological problem or whether this is all natural. This is really dangerous, as I won't know when is the day I lose my sanity and the world doesn't mean anything to me.

But what the heck, enjoy what I have now. Even if i need to spend money to make myself happy. Maybe go on a vacation alone, in a place full of strangers. Meeting with people that doesn't give a damn bout you or your past. Learning bout the life and culture of others.. And yes, that's the ultimate life that I want.

So, what am I waiting for? I will start to do things differently from now onwards. Living my life.

Forget all those unhappy things in life. Forget all the people that has been trouble my mind so long.

Change

2010-09-27T13:19:00.004+08:00

For once in my life, I hated working. I really feel like lazying around at home.. doing nothing.

Can I or can I not?

Got my salary, have a long list of things to buy. My manager said I have to get myself something, to treat myself. That is one big lesson to learn as I am always concern about how I should manage my money, to my family and that significant someone.

So, on pay day, I rush back home as early as possible and voila! I got myself a new hair cut. Cost me 45 bucks, and I look like a school girl, my mum says. My manager said my mum was just being jealous as I definitely look more youthful with my new bob. :)

Clock is ticking and 1 more year, I will hit 30.

I told myself to enjoy life, treat myself better. No more sulking over things that I can do but do not have the courage to do. No more complaining bout not getting chances. I have and I can fight for it for sure. I want to look good, and feel nice about myself. I want to do something that I really wish to do so for so long, travelling. Maybe develop a hobby and enjoy life as it is. God created the world so beautiful that it will be wasted if I remain static here.

I want to be successful in my own way. In work, in life, in relationship. Not so much in relationship though, as we are all screwed-up singles who are just too damn selfish to accomodate anyone in life.

But nevertheless, I am changing. And I will keep on changing until I am happy, be it an illusion or not..

Welcome to life, Sharon.

Customer Loyalty

2010-09-23T00:11:00.003+08:00

Will you be loyal to one particular brand? Only one brand. No matter what other brands can offer, or giving you free gifts, and special discounts.... you still stick to one single brand????

I learn a cruel lesson about customer loyalty today.

No matter what you give, be it your best service, your best smile, your extra effort to send moon cakes over... from KL to JB.. and your customer can even tell you that she ate 70% of the whole box of the moon cakes... it doesn't mean that they are loyal to you.

"Ms xxx ah.... you received my moon cakes?"

" Yeah. I got it. Thanks ah.."

" Good, so how was it? Do you like it? You share with your colleagues?"

" Em.... ya la.. I share but I ate most of it la..."

"Oh ok, thats good. Thanks for all your support. Maybe next year I can get 2 boxes of moon cake for you.. Then you can eat more lor.."

"Sure sure.. Good ah you all. Can give moon cakes to customer. So rich."

" No la.. you support me, I sure think of you one...by the way, when is your next shipment?"

" Oh that one ah.. eh you have to do something with your quotation la. I get so much cheaper from other companies.."

Wtf..... "But you didn't say anything wor. I asked you already..You said ok one."

" Haiya, we don't care whether you give me moon cakes or not. Your price not good, we won't use one. "

"But......"

"No buts. You tell your manager la! Do something then only talk to me!" .... " tut...tut....tut...."

She actually hang up on me. And that is customer loyalty.

Illusion

2010-09-21T22:05:00.004+08:00

Some things are not meant to be said and some words, are created to make changes. Either its for good or bad, it changes the status quo. And humans, generally don't like changes.

I have said something that is not meant to be heard or said. I regretted it. Cause it changed my current life. I was happy before, shortly before today. But now, I am feeling empty. Perhaps I do not know where to head to from here. Life is confusing, and everything that we see and touch, even feel are illusion. It's doesn't stay. One day when I leave this world, everything will be gone. Even the memories, be it sweet or bitter, it will be all gone.

Words are more powerful than knives. The scars that it made on one person, it can never be erase or healed. It stays there forever, and yet, the only way to remove it will be the day we die.

A friend told me, love is illusion, so is life. I don't agree and I argued. I wonder where is the truth in what he said. But slowly, I am beginning to feel that way. All these things in front of our eyes. They are just illusion and unreal. Is it because our surroundings make us bitter with life? Bitter bout being alive? We will never be satisfied with what we have.

I like this quote from C. S. Lewis:

Why love if losing hurts so much?

I want a tattoo

2010-09-20T20:04:00.003+08:00

Tattooing is not a new thing. Looking at few of my colleagues in the office, one could have mistaken them as one of the gangsters 'head' in the movies. Tiger, Dragon, Snake, some funny Chinese characters...

For me, I want a simple one. Initial perhaps, or just a letter 'S' will do. But of course I want to be a lil bit artsy, just to show off.. hehehe.

Asked mum before, and she said its fine as long as my gran doesn't know about it. Wonder where to get a good tattoo parlor here? Or perhaps I should think bout which part of my body to get mutilated.. It's going to be permanent, so I really should think over. Think real hard Sharon..

Can't wait for my salary this coming Saturday.... lots of things in mind.

Updates: 11.10pm 21/09/10

Kev said tattooing is lame.. ya meh?

Sheridan's Coffee Layered Liquer

2010-09-17T13:44:00.004+08:00

I'm head over toes on this..

Thanks to Leo who has since quit alchol, I got this 3/4 bottle of this fantastic drink!

Consisting of 2 component, 1 is white vanilla creme liqueur and the other one is the dark coffee-chocolate liqueur. The packaging was chic and well thought. It seems that they have done all the research on how to ensure that whenever the consumer pour the liquer out from the bottol, the final drink will always have 2 layers of liquers with white on top and the dark coffee-chocolate on the bottom.

Best served on rocks, I would definitely get another one if I have a chance.

Somehow, I feel that its even better than Bailey's!

What do I like?

2010-09-16T01:21:00.002+08:00

1) Booze.

2) Painting my nails black.

3) Finishing work on time.

4) Reading a good book with a cup of latte.

5) Beaches and sunset.

6) Travelling to unfamiliar places.

7) Watching late night movies.

8) Shoes.

9) Listening to music.

10) Chilling with friends.

And it doesn't come with the order above. :)

2010-09-12T11:40:00.002+08:00

B left for UK this morning. And I was crying almost whole day.

2 years of relationship, ending this way. We will be friends of course. But the bad habits that I have created through out the 2 years being together, it's not easy to change.

B, hope you create your new life there. I will certainly miss you. I tried to recall everything that we have been through together, grow together and being around each other, encouraging each other. Not to forget all the fights and tears that we have poured out. It's not easy to let go, but we have to.

I wish you the best in UK. I promise you I will take good care of myself. I will work hard for my promotion, stay healthy, and perhaps go back to gym again after all this while.

We will be friends for the rest of our lives. Maybe someday in the future, I will be able to visit you and your family there, or perhaps we will meet up somewhere in another country. Chase your dreams, live your life.

Take care, B.

Lots of love from Aduke.

I deserve this

2010-08-26T17:54:00.004+08:00

Its MSR (Monthly Sales Review) today. As my manager shows my performance slide today, my "dot" on the graph literally flew out from the graph.

I do feel proud of myself. I am doing so well, that it makes everyone in the team looked so bad.

I think I deserve a pat on a back, a long vacation, a promotion, and a big fat commission. I deserve all this.

Who could think that after disastrous start in my sales line, I will be able to achieve what I am achieving today? Although I find it hard to stay on, put on a mask and work here every day... I deserve the recognition.

Who knows, maybe this year I will be the OSP, wining a trip to Phuket fully paid by company?

Who knows that I can be so vain... hahahaha...

What a month.

Troubled Mind

2010-08-11T12:59:00.002+08:00

Lately, I am becoming an angry person. I barely feel happy or satisfied with my life.

Things that I observed around me, just proves that there's no equality in life. Never. Be it at work, family or friends.

Being hardworking doesn't get you anywhere, if you do not know how to make connections.

I made a big decision lately to stay at where I am. My family doesn't know why or what make me changed my mind. I have to be here, I assumed. At least, they will feel happier to have me running the errands which my brother won't be able to do so.

Suddenly, I blame everything on my dad. Its because of him that I am in this confused state. It's because of him that I can't let go of responsibilities. It's because of him that our family are torn apart.

I figure, its not right to think that way, but who else can I blame?

I took 2 days off and have a long weekend ahead, just for myself. I wish to be alone. I wish to go off somewhere without telling anyone, but I know the consequences of doing so, it will only result in unhappiness and complains from few parties.

I have been living my life for the past 28 years for everyone except myself. Why can't I rebel, for once? I guess its because I don't like confrontation and I don't like people around me to be unhappy. But what about me?

I do not know.

Lazy Sunday

2010-07-25T16:01:00.002+08:00

What a Sunday.

Woke up at 1.30pm. Had my breakfast at 2.00pm.

Dun feel like going back today, hope Gran doesn't mind.

Another day before yet another Monday. A boring one I believe.

Plan to re-read HP's final book. Can't wait for the movie this coming Christmas ;)

Happy 3rd Birthday!

2010-06-28T00:03:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Chanise! Lots of love from your aunt here, and hope you had a great birthday! Missing you much! Mmuacks! :)

Mom, Gran and TV - Part 1

2010-06-26T18:13:00.007+08:00

Last Sunday after church, I went back Klang as usual. Having my weekly dose of family time with mum, gran and Paul.

I sensed some tension at home. Not knowing why, I commented on the old TV in the living room. It was a bad call. The TV keep switching off on its own. And once its switched off, it take ages before we are able to switch it on again. Just like an old engine parked for days in cold winter days.. Apparently Mum and Gran has been arguing over the old TV. Gran thinking that it can be fixed, while Mum felt its time to change.

As the argument goes on..the day was getting warmer and hotter, that I eventually fell asleep on the floor. Mom ushered me to sleep in the room, and switch on the only air-cond we have in the house. Life is good, when Mum is around. :)

"Leng ah.... wake up.. I need to watch TV.." I heard Mum's voice. "Huh??" I was in a state of sub-consciousness...

"Meee (short for Mummy), you go and watch outside la..."

"Cannot la... The TV cannot switch on. It's 6pm already, my drama is starting soon..."

" I thought it was still ok just now?"

" Cannot already. Eh... you go and talk to your Granny la... tell her we need a new TV." In my heart, I knew this was coming.

" Why don't you ask her yourself?" I asked back.

" Cannot la... later she will scold me back.. You are different, you are her grandaughter ma.."

Lazily, I went out to the living room, Paul was looking at me anxiously.. as if I will work wonders with the old TV. I pressed the small squarish button under the screen. It blinks. Green...... and then red again. I repeatedly try to switch it on, both manually and with the remote control. But the button was stubborn, and it keep blinking, switching between red and green, just like the decorative lights outside our house.

I gave up. Anxiously, I went to see my Gran.

"Ma.. (granny in Hokkien).. we need a new TV la. The old one cannot use already..Its not worth it to fix it also. No one use this type of TV already.."

My gran looked at me at the most suspicious way.. "Cannot meh... ask the fatty to come and fix it la." Fatty is the furniture shop owner in our neighborhood.

"Fatty doesn't fix TV la, he only sell furniture..." still trying my luck..

"Hmmmmm......" Silence. That's the longest "hm" I've heard in my life.

"When you go out, please buy me 1 kg of glutinous rice. I want to make "bak chang"." My gran replied.. I was shocked to see how easy she gave in. Mom was standing behind the doors, and I can see twinkle in her eyes, and I think I saw some tears flowing down..

"Ok la.. 1 kg only rite? Nothing else ya.. Meeeeee, come let's go to buy TV!!" I was screaming to my mum.. signalling that our plan works.

Mum came out immediately with changed clothes and purse, running out from the house with my car keys and handbag as well.. Just like a young kid, anticipating for an outing. And so, happily we went to a local vendor to get my mum's long awaiting TV set..

...To be continued..

Live with Cable TV

2010-06-05T13:14:00.004+08:00

Recently, Kev moved in and Astro came along.

After 2 years of not watching any TV in the apartment, it's a new breath in life.. or so I thought.

Not even 2 weeks after we had the TV, all three of us a

re complaining of boringness on TV. Not any normal TV, but cable TV!!

It's either news, food channel and sports. And most of the time, when we are not working, we are seeking out other options to leave the house. I guess it's never wrong to say humans are just never satisfied with anything in their life. So the three of us.

7 more days to World Cup, already planning my leave on next Friday! How can someone who loves football missed out the largest football event on earth?? Rite... now i remember why we install Astro in the first place.. balls.

World Cup 2010, here I come!

The day after the longest email..

2010-05-13T00:50:00.003+08:00

Woke up really early today. B woke me up at 5.45am. Managed to reach office at 6am. Was really worried about my shipment through out the night. But with my colleague in Labuan, everything turn out fine today. Customer was happy, I am relieved.

It turn out that the email was sent to the Ops. No one dares to answer, but there was a reply. Feeling a lil bit disappointed with the reply, as it still indicates that I was at fault in some way. But well, as long as we get the job done.

Left office early, met Sandz at Tropicana and had my first real meal of the day. Nice one indeed. Lots of catch up, reliving our times back in Uni. How I miss KK, my dorm room, and uni life altogether.

Time really flies. As Sandz put it, 2 more years and we have stepped into 10 years of knowing each other. Somehow, I am feeling really old now. :) But I really treasure this friendship through out these years.

Well, its another day. Need to sleep now, hope I can wake up early again and save my money on the bloody parking fees.

Complain

2010-05-11T22:50:00.003+08:00

Had a distressful day. So disappointed with many many people. Even to myself. Wish I have more time to settle all this problem.

As a result, I wrote a long complain email to both my bosses. Its not that I wanted to lash out on someone or some people. Rather, it was just to release my stress and anger. Hope they didn't get a shock when they see the email tomorrow morning.

Nevertheless, thanks to few colleagues who actually help, even though they were on MC. Life seems so much easier with them around.

Moreover, big shipment tomorrow. Really excited :)

Movie Marathon

2010-05-09T21:59:00.003+08:00

Been watching loads of Chinese movies during the weekend. The list goes:

1) Ip Man 1

2) Ip Man 2

3) Mulan - not the cartoon, but the movie version. starring Vicky Zhao.

4) Red Cliff 1 - still watching.. interesting stuff, fantastic battle scene. :)

So far so good. Enjoying every bits of it.

What do you think?

2010-05-04T22:58:00.004+08:00

A small conversation with boss before we left office today.

"Seniority doesn't mean anything here, performance does." He said.

"If you are not ready to take the leap, who in your team that qualifies for it?" He asked.

"If the vacancy comes in the next 2 or 3 months, do you want to grab it?" He suggested.

"I'll think about it." I said.

Departure

2010-05-04T01:02:00.004+08:00

Life is very fragile.

Our life were created in a way that, without certain elements like air and water and food, we will all die.

Today, my granduncle passed away at the age of 71 years. Yes, it's not that we were very close but still, I really feel the loss. I hugged my devastated grandaunt, for the second time in my life. Although there was a lot of misunderstanding between all of us, but when death stares at us, we put down the differences. I embrace her pain, feeling her loss and despair. Moreover, they have been married for more than 40 years by now, or perhaps may have even reached the golden number 50.

I saw him for the very last time. I know I will not be able to make it for the funeral. How I missed him already.

For my gran, I think she is still in shock. Regretting for not giving in lots of ways. My other grand uncle whom has not spoken a word since my great grandmother left us 20 years ago, has finally spoke to my gran again today. I sensed a feeling of relief and happiness in my gran despite a sad day today. She has waited all this while, to see him again, to talk to him again after all these year. Such an irony that we actually felt happy today. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise after all.

Such a long day. Tomorrow, sun will come up again. Shining upon us, reminding us that life has to go on. At least for now.

To my granduncle, may you rest in peace.

Melaka trip

2010-04-28T23:12:00.007+08:00

Had a short simple trip to Melaka last week. Wonderful place, good food. :)

7.30pm

2010-04-28T22:56:00.005+08:00

7.30pm.

That's my promises to my bosses. I will leave office daily the latest by 7.30pm. And so far, how did I score?

2 days straight, back home early, which does not translate to sleeping and resting early.

Sometimes, I wonder how has my life turn out to be. Who would even wonder I will become a saleswoman? Not even myself or my mum. Still, I hope I can continue studying again. Hope it will be soon.

Untitled

2010-04-15T00:22:00.002+08:00

Later today, we will be touring the SZB gateway.

1 more day, another typical report day.. sigh. getting tired to update.

2 more days, another wedding to attend.

3 more days, our very own bowling tournament...

4 more days, another Monday, another new week...nearer to the end of April. Time is running out to hit target.

Day in day out, but when on earth will I take my day off...? I wonder.

Back to Work!

2010-04-10T02:26:00.002+08:00

3 days of customer visits in Johor. Lots of story to tell, but well, let me rest today.

Time to sleep. Still gotta work in the morning. Workaholic again. :)

2:46 a.m.

2010-04-05T02:46:00.004+08:00

It's 2:46 am now.. yet I'm still awake. Editing a thesis for a Masters student. . sigh.. getting bored and tired. 1 & 1/2 chapter to go.

Last night, I went to office. It was a Sunday night, where you are suppose to enjoy the final moments of the weekend, and where was I?

In the office, replying emails.

Time is just running out and not enough for me to settle all the issues. It's been a year and 4 months, and yet, I can't let go of my work. I can't depend on my team-mates. What am I? A superwoman? Or just a work-craze freak?

Sigh, I really dunno. I'm worried for the next 3 days. I will be away for customers visit, with no access to my emails. Perhaps I should get a Blackberry and connect my emails to my phone. I know if I do that, I will hate myself for life.

Sharon, get a life. Life is really much more than this.

New month begins..

2010-04-02T22:02:00.004+08:00

Few minutes ago... I thought about my job. This coming July and it will be my 2nd year. How long more do I want to stay here, I wonder? 1, 2, 3 years... or till I retired?

Someone told me once, leave your job when you are on the top of your game. Now, I feel that way. 2 days back, my manager asked me, whether he's lucky to have a hard working staff like me, or is he a slave-driver. I work from 8am - 10 pm almost daily. That's 14 hours a day, 70 hours per week. Do I love this job? I am enjoying it as long as I'm earning money. That's pretty true for anyone, I presume. But is money everything in life? I know, it is not everything, but it's pretty much the main thing in my current life.

24 working days this month, and I close the month high above target. My target for this year is to close monthly at least 10% above target. I did more than that for the past 3 months. Maybe, I was just lucky. Maybe, I'm harvesting on the hard work that I have put in since last year. Maybe, I am doing the things right after all. I never believe that I am a sales person. Yet I am doing good so far. In fact, it came as an surprise to everyone from my managers to my colleagues.

I don't like to persuade anyone to buy things. Yet my customers are persuaded to do business with us. I believe that everyone has their own choice, yet customers said that I was the reason they continue using our service. I am really grateful when my customers encourage me to go on. Doing what I do best at this moment.

Sometimes, I ask myself, do I ever get tired? Exhausted? Burnt-out? I do. I really do. Mum knows, B knows. I know. But life has to go on no matter what. I need the money to live on, to get my house eventually. No one is going to sponsor on anything. I have to be independent for myself and for others around me. People look up to me. My brothers look up to me.

Today, I am exhausted. But I felt relieved in some way. Last month ended on a high-note, I'm going for customer visit next week, GA coming next Friday. But yet, I am feeling a little bit empty. Such a confusing state of mind.

Rethinking Spirituality

2010-03-21T23:05:00.004+08:00

Source from Wikipedia, spirituality means "an ultimate reality or transcendent dimension of the world;^[1] an inner path enabling a person to discover the essence of his or her being, or the “deepest values and meanings by which people live.” ^[2]."

In my life, there was never a point where my parents or family teach me on religion. We are not a spiritual or religious family I believe. Being religious simply means having prayers on certain dates for certain occasion. But why? Why did we pray? Who are we praying to? What was the purpose of praying? No one seems to be able to answer all that. In fact, there are various points in my life that I thought of all religions and beliefs are just superstitious. Rules and morality codes that was created to mass control the people in various points of human history.

However, recently, there's an urge for me to start understanding the purpose of this life on Earth. My own life. I have the urge as well to finally find peace in my inner self from now on towards the end of my life. I guess the time has come to rethink about religions and spirituality again. I really need answers and guidance to go through this.

Movie Marathon

2010-03-15T00:02:00.005+08:00

I did not go home in Klang this weekend. Mum's seems to be a lil upset over it. Well, I'm an adult now, and I think I have the right not to go back once in awhile. Busy with editing work this week, another job coming in tomorrow. The pay is not much but well, it kills my time as well.

Manage to catch few movies this week. Inspirational, heart wrenching movies.

Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009)

Story about an obese and illiterate girl by the name of Claireece 'Precious' Jones with a life defeating history. Being raped by her estranged father, and bore 2 child by him by the age of 16; and abused by her unemployed mother who torture her mentally and physically. One can only imagine how much she has to endure to be able to live on especially the scenes when her mother downgraded her to being useless and incapable.

Invictus (2009)

1995: A history in making. Nelson Mandela was elected the president of South Africa, ending the era of Apartheid. How to unite a divided nation with the long lasting hatred and racism between the Whites and the Blacks? Rugby! Funny it may seem, the vision of the man himself is just unbelievable. I can only wonder why don't our politician have visions like him? Morgan Freeman played a solid Nelson Mandela while Matt Damon's role is just under developed through out the story. However, the message is strong and it rings to us that the country with the most brutal and serious racism with thousands of lives sacrificed in the post WWII history, can set things straight with a inspiring leader. I hope I can wait till the day where things will change here in this country.

Well, Monday is here. Just hope the numbers are good when I see it tomorrow. Gnite!

I pierced my ear!

2010-03-02T23:20:00.002+08:00

After 29 yrs of living, I finally pierced my ears. Not that it's an extraordinary thing, but well, I have been waiting for a long time before having the courage to that. So, kudos to myself!~

Hate it though when my left earlobe starts swelling. Hope this 'minyak gamat' works to sooth the pain.

2010

2010-01-15T01:20:00.002+08:00

Streamyx sucks. Best to describe why I have not blog for 2 months.

2nd week in 2010. How's life been? No resolutions though...

Work : Well, pretty good. At least the superficial estimated figures are looking sky high. Another big opportunity, if I'm able to close it this time, I'm going to spend my bosses for sure! Surely looking good for the rest of the year.

Love : Up and down like a roller coaster. I tried my best to spend time with you b. I really do. I hope you know what you are doing. I hope we don't argue again as I really hate arguments. No matter how we made up every time after lashing words at each other, arguments are surrounding us all the time. I really hope we can go through another year and hope that this year is a blessed one for us.

Family : Hm. what to say. Love you mum. You're always the best. I really missed going back home every week. I know now, no matter what happened outside in this world, home is still the best place on earth.

Friends : I have been really quiet these days. 5 days of not logging in to FB, how anti social can I be? Perhaps this is a good year for me to meet up with people again.

The week has come to an end..

2009-11-29T23:26:00.002+08:00

What a week. Enjoyed so much at to be at home with mum, gran and Paul.

At times, I feel really guilty for not spending much time with them. Guess, that's why I tried staying longer these days. Just to chat with them. I really feel that time is running out and to be honest, I'm afraid that I will regret if I do not start now.

Gran's health is deteriorating these days. After 30 years of staying together, it seems like mum and Gran has come to an understanding. To give up on something and to move on with light. Perhaps, when you are lost and lost hope, the next best thing is to depend on the physically nearest person to you. After years and years of argument and dislike, they do not have choice but to maintain a good relationship. It's always the better option to make peace rather than make war. Thanks Mum and Gran for giving us the love and warmth all this while.

As for the other person, it all end with the same phrase that I posted on FB.

" Never make a promise that you do not intend to keep. It hurts more than not making any promise."

Crazy weekend!

2009-11-28T11:30:00.003+08:00

Damn... really sleepy. Regretted to bits to wake up at 7am (on a Saturday?!) and waited for the plumber to fix the damn taps.

It's suppose to be Saturday, the day everyone anxiously waiting for. But today is just really crazy.... slept for less than 4 hours, my eyes are glued together.

Thought of heading to gym but well... don't think my body can take it.. Or at least my eyes can't take it. I need sleep, but I need to go back Klang, service my car, fix my watch, then out for dinner with JP.

ARGH!!! Why can't weekend be longer?!

Anyhow, in a dilemma now, should I go to gym now, or go back Klang directly?

Money running low too, especially with all the bills... bro's uni fees and bills.. another summon from JPJ... tenant leaving....

How I envy Khoo, Lili and Erwin's holidaying in Bali now. :(

Friday the 13th

2009-11-14T14:51:00.003+08:00

I don't usually believe in hocus pocus..
I'm a reformer, right?

But bad things does happen more frequently simultaneously. Coincidentally, its Friday 13th.

Yesterday, I received a big complain from a customer, whom later apologized to me. She told me " Sharon, I hope I don't put you in much trouble.." Wtf?! Damage has been done. The complain letter which she CC to a local news paper.. really put me in hot soup. I can only wonder what I have to go through for next week.

2 Peruvian guys came to our office. Asking for help. Can I speak Spanish? Unfortunately, no. Really pity them. With Ann's help, we finally made out of what are they saying. These 2 guys, is suppose to go back to Peru next Tuesday and their air ticket is still on the way from US. Can they make it? Not sure. But I have taken down the consignment note number, really hope they manage to catch their flight. it really feels like a movie scene. Perhaps about 2 pitiful person trapped in a stranger city.

Few more cases happened yesterday, and I was up in the office till midnight. Alone again. Luckily B was keeping me accompany throughout the phone night. Thanks B for everything.

Sigh.. Raining again. Why does it have to rain so much.

A view from my room.. :)

Back Home

2009-11-01T02:17:00.004+08:00

Just back from a trip..What a tiring journey especially when you are driving alone. Thanks to the radio though that I can spend my time humming and singing alone in the car.. I'm really a freak for oldies... and I dunno why. :)

Need a short nap now... tomorrow is yet another long day ...

A supposedly stress-free day.. or not..

2009-10-30T15:44:00.003+08:00

On leave today... yet calls started coming in since 8am.

I guess in service industry, customers can never understand what is the meaning of being on leave, and office hours.

Boss said, it's never ending work. Day in day out, customer will be shipping (they better be or else we will out of business). And of course, across the service industry, there will never be a fool proof service without any hiccups.

Shits happens... Just on a bad day like WHEN I'M ON LEAVE, shit happens more frequently.. Somehow it's just like Murphy's Law.

Especially in sales, when you feel that things are bad enough, somehow, some way, things can get just shittier. Things might gone missing, shipment might be delay by customs, customer might not pay the outstanding... and the list goes on and on and on...

As a sales person, we are expected to be an all rounder, Jack of all trades. Frontline, backline, middle line, under line, dotted line... no wonder we are call the super team. Especially the ones in Malaysia, never I've met a sales team so dedicated in selling. And they really put out their hearts in their daily job. I guess I'm fast becoming like them too. And that's why I'm glad that my mum sees me working till wee hours everyday. I guess, it was a good choice to move out from house in the first place.

4pm... times flies and I'm still waiting...damn tired as I have been driving whole night.

And thanks to that unconsiderate person who wakes me up early in the morning. Eyes feeling really heavy now... how i miss my bed and my pillows.....

Zee Avi's Bitter Heart

2009-10-24T22:22:00.003+08:00

Sun rays come down as seen when they hit the ground,
Children spinning around till they fall down down down.
I wait for you: it's been two hours now,
You're still somewhere in town,
Your dinners getting cold.
I rest my case you are always this late,
And you know how much I hate waiting around 'round 'round,

Bitter heart, bitter heart tries to keep it all inside,
Bitter heart, bitter heart shadows will help you try to hide,
Bitter heart, my bitter heart is gettin' just a little fragile,
[ Zee Avi Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Bitter heart, bitter heart of mine.

And then you come and tell me the same reason as you did yesterday,
So tell me whats her name.
Doo doo da dum, doo doo da dum, doo doo doo doo doo doo da da dum dum, da da da da dum, da da da da dum, da da da da dum.

Bitter heart, bitter heart tries to keep it all inside
Bitter heart, bitter heart shadows will help you try to hide,
Bitter heart, my bitter heart is just getting a little fragile,
Bitter heart, bitter heart of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine.

Some music & artiste that I just really love these days. This song was used for Wal-mart's commercials, as well as a Swedish spa commercial.. :) She's a Malaysian by the way...

What have I been doing?

2009-09-12T12:56:00.003+08:00

1) Addiction to Mafia Wars in Facbook. I need to get my Godfather book from Klang!!
2) 9 months in sales.... I thought I never survive past June 2009.
3) Enjoying my weekend finally!
4) Just had a short break from Kuantan :)
5) Thinking of coming trip to Cameron Highlands!
6) Gym ... gym... gym..
7) Work...work..work..

Work without life.

2009-05-12T23:03:00.003+08:00

Work seems to take most of my time in life. Many said to me, don't get too attached with my job. Work is endless. If you ever find one day that you don't have any work to do, that will be the day you have to leave your job.

Yet, I don't have any other life except my job. Being new in the team pressures me more to perform as I'm really a 'kiasu'. Being at the bottom for 1st few months, really push me to move forward. Indeed last month, I found some relief in my job. But, every month will be a new challenge. This is my true nature.

Many times I thought, why am I in this line of career. What happened to my studies? My music? My passion? Day in day out, sometimes, I dread going to work. But once I started, I don't look back at all.

So many things to do. I wonder when will I be able to let go. Let go of my job, let go of my crazy hectic life. Let go of my 'kiasu'ness.

When will I dare to make that change in life? I really don't know.

Weekend life..

2009-05-09T15:01:00.002+08:00

Wish to go for a cinema. Doesn't matter if I need to go alone.

Wish to go to the bookstore, Borders, Kinokuniya, MPH, or even Popular... I just need some knowledge juice for my hungry brain.

Wish I am still in the bed... watching all my episodes of downloaded House, CSI, The Simpsons...

Wish I am out in the park, joggin with my MP3 Players.. have some new good workout songs lately..

Wish to have a short vacation.. somewhere far from city, far from house, far from work...

Wish to have the money enough to splurge for myself....

Maybe a trip to the Zoo again.. parks.. garden... beach..

Or maybe a just spending time with a good book and a good cup of coffee...

And yet, where I am??

At 3.06pm , 09 May 2009, Saturday......... I'm still at the f****** office! Blehs!~

Next Plane Home - Daniel Powter

2009-01-28T21:00:00.003+08:00

I woke up early to baby blue eyes from afar whoah whoah
And when the sun comes through lights you like the angel you are whoah whoah
I know I do you wrong when I'm with you I've been gone

With every season change, it looks the same, November to June whoah whoah
And don't these empty streets skip a beat the flowers don't bloom whoah whoah

I can't believe I missed your birthday again
And I wanna come back but I just don't know when now

And I'm so lonely your not here with me
That's why I'm gonna be on the next plane home
The road that never ends around the bend I see your smile whoah whoah
I'd swim acorss the sea to be with you for a while whoah whoah
Cos I've made a life of been gone
Now the way that I feel is just that I don't belong here

And I'm so lonely you're not here with me
That's why I'm gonna be on the next plane home
And you're, you're the only face I wanna see
That's why I'm gonna be on the next plane home

Stand around try to make every moment
And be somebody yeah anybody
It seems the whole world is taking me over
I need somebody to help me get back to you

And I've always been a million miles away
But things are gonna change
I just wanna come home

And you're, you're the only face I wanna see
That's why I gonna be on the next plane home
Yeah I'm taking the next plane home
Now I'm getting the next plane home
Now I'm taking the next plane home

* I dunno why this song makes me feel happy. Perhaps I'm looking for a place that I can call home. A place where I feel like going back to no matter where I am.

Stupidity

2009-01-22T23:57:00.002+08:00

Life has been a mess for the past whole week. Juggling between work and family is not my strength. I certainly missed mum being around.

He just lost his respect from all his children. He knew it before and he definitely knows it now. But he's just too arrogant to come back and admit that it's his fault that things turn out so badly. I confronted him for his actions last night. I have never raised my voice against him, but yesterday, it's just really unbearable. If I knew what happened later after I left, I would have screamed my lungs out and bring my brothers along with me. Last night, what you did is plainly stupid.

Stupid, for leaving your family behind.
Stupid, for seeking for comfort from others while your wife is here waiting at home.
Stupid, for not caring over your children.
Stupid, for ignoring your responsibility as a son, a husband and a father.

You have definitely lost what you had all this while. All because of your ego, arrogance and stupidity.

Ramblings..

2009-01-20T22:48:00.003+08:00

Mum had a stroke last Tuesday. It was really a sudden call.. perhaps it's a sign for her to opt for retirement. At 56, she seems really strong and healthy, but things are not always what we wanted. Mum's illness has been the focus for all of us for the past few week. I cried so many times, fearing that I might lose her. I have not even take care of her as what I have hope for.

Times has been really chaotic for the past whole week. Juggling my work, and managing my brothers and family matters, I felt so tired and exhausted. Few times when I drove to work from Klang early in the morning, I almost got into accident. I really have no choice, but to ask Dad to come home and help.

He came back, but it's hard to accept him back. My brothers were angry at him, I am angry at him. Suppose that he came back earlier and sort things out with mum, perhaps mum won't get struck by this sudden stroke.

How life changes in a moment. How fragile us humans in the eyes of God. How worthless our life in the midst of His creation.

I know I'm just rambling here. I'm really just releasing some tension through my simple words. And hope that unfortunate events will eventually end in my life. And for the first time in so many years, let us have our family and happiness back.

Brand New Week

2009-01-11T17:18:00.006+08:00

Started fresh today. I had a good vibe since morning, mainly due to my 40 minuted jogging I guess. Finally, I've made the first step. I woke up early today, to see my running shoes, clean and white, lying just beside the door. A sure reminder to make me walk to the park and start my day.

My Sony Walkman NWZ-B133F.. good companion for jogging.

Along I pickup my Sony Walkman , which I have downloaded some songs for jogging, I walked to the park just outside the apartment. Although it's almost 8pm. but still, no one was there. There used to be a group of middle aged ladies dancing around the court, wonder where they are today...? As the crowd grows around the park, I decided to head back to the apartment and get my car.

I have planned to eat 'you char kuey' today and there's a vendor near the sports complex near by. Bought 5 of it, 2 long ones, one with red beans, one round one but empty ( this is delicious!) and the one with glutinous rice. I can't even wait to reach the car and started eating. It's a really good feeling to have this just like we had at home on Sundays. Mom will buy loads of it before she prepare breakfast. Kenny and Paul loves this so much I remember. While traditional way of eating it usually comes with the soy drink (or as we Hokkiens called it "tau cui") or add the cutted 'you char kuey' into a bowl of hot, aromatic white porridge. Mmm.. But for us, we usually just take it in with a cup of freshly brewed Kopi-o. And that is exactly what I did.

Simple Sunday, but it was a good one. A change from my usual lazy Sundays. Although I suspected what ever calories that I burnt was instantly replaced by the deep fried 'you char kuey'. :) Well, who cares. It's a good start to this new year. At least I'm doing something that I wanted to start for so long.

The day continues with me updating my blogs. 3 at once. I doubted anyone will actually read my blog but I feel happy doing it. That is the most important thing. Looking forward to coming week. Hope I will do better this week, getting some new accounts as well as close some deals.

Go, go , go!!!!

Online Photo Editing : Picnik

2009-01-11T12:18:00.009+08:00

Simple editing: Focal & Polaroid

Found this online picture editing website Picnik where you can just put effects on your pictures without any hassle. You can even create a simple 2-4 picture collage (or pay $24.95 for more options).

Simple photo collage.

It's simple to use and the layout of the website is just so cool! At least for someone like me that do not know how to use Photoshop. Best thing of all, it's free and you don't have to download any softwares or tools. Just edit online and save it in your PC. Here's the URL link:http://www.picnik.com/app#/home/welcome

When the World Turns it Back to Humanity

2009-01-11T10:33:00.006+08:00

I've just watched one of the most terrifying documentaries so far.. Ghosts of Rwanda, a 2004 year production by PBS to recount the 100-days terror of Rwandan Genocide in 1994. Once could argue how the numbers of people being massacred was far more less than the Holocaust or the genocide by the Khmer regime. But the truth is within the 100 days, humanity literally torn apart by our selfishness, and most leaders in the world are just ignoring the true fact of evil.

While it does not recount the events preceding to the genocide, the documentary capture the whole genocide and how the community of the world reacts to it... simply by DOING NOTHING. Sadly, even UN pulled out the humanity aid and peacekeepers and only a few were left to save the helpless Tutsis. One of the most grueling image that I saw was the scene that was captured at a church. Thousands of corpse were piled up against the wall of the church and below the statue of Jesus Christ opening up his hands looking down at a single corpse lying on the cold cemented floor. What an irony it is.

While this part of the world were turn to hell in days and not a single nation willing to send their troops to stop the nightmare. Instead, the whole world was witnessing a genocide in working. Reasons being that they do not have interest in Rwanda to actually send their troops there. What on earth does that mean, are economy "interest" much more important than human lives?? Has human dignity degraded to the extend that it's OK to see someone being bludgeon to death by their own friends and neighbors? The saddest thing of the whole situation is us, human beings, who literally left these innocent people to die.

Another scene shows that the peacekeepers were sent to a hospital to save a white lady. Thousands of Tutsis gathered and asked for help but the soldiers however did not respond. One lady explained to the journalists what is happening there, and how they were attacked and killed by the militia. Yet with this coverage which was broadcast to the whole world, all leaders did nothing.

How scary we are to even let this happened again after the Holocaust and the genocide in Cambodia. Aren't we had enough lessons to actually stopped this madness? Even now, racial discrimination and hatred are still roaming across the globe. One could wonder, how different it is to be a black skinned or a white skinned or having different beliefs? Under the skin, we are all sharing the same genes that make us humans. No one can claim that they are more superior than the others and thus, all humans are equal. Yet, why do we still kill each other because of these difference? To me, this is a horrifying reality that happens in our so called modern world. May God bless humanity.

Time Bomb

2008-11-08T14:29:00.004+08:00

Ever felt like you are going to blow up anytime?

Like a time bomb is buried deep inside you.

And you do not know what triggers it to blow up.

You don't even have the slightest idea on how to disassemble it.

All you can wait is waiting, shivering, hoping that it will stop ticking.

But in the same time, scared that you might survive after it explodes...

With scars that cannot be erased, with memories that will haunt you till the day you die....

And dying is a better option than living on..

Turmoil

2008-10-19T16:39:00.005+08:00

I'm psychologically crippled, I have endless thoughts about my family. How would it be for my brothers, my parents and my grandparents after all these emotional turmoil that has been going on for so long?

Some remarks made by Paul to his teacher, convince me that all this nonsense has to be stop. Why leaving in denial and make the kid's life miserable? Already he is socially declined, even to his immediate family. I recalled all those times when I send him to music classes where he does not speak a single word to me. It troubles me so much as 8 years ago, he still tagged along with me where ever we go and how he always mistaken me as mum. We were so close together as siblings and look at him now, he can't even speak a single word to me. Not even a "yes" or "no".

What ever that happened to him, it's not his fault. He's still a kid who deserve better than trying to grasp the meaning of separation, anger and chaos. He's angry not because he understand it, he's angry because everyone around him is angry. Traditional way of thinking that kids do not need to be include in adult's problems has further push him aside, just like an social outcast. Keep telling him that all this will have the least effect on him is really bull shit. That he needs not to think about this is yet another lie.

I missed the Paul that I knew, that gave me the lion that has always been with me. The sweet kid who drew me birthday cards and send across the sea just to remind me how blessed am I that I have someone thinking about me. I am just wondering how can I allowed this to make him into what he is now in the first place? Why can't everyone else see that he's growing up in a wrong and unhealthy way? Time is running out and we need to end this now.. how though? Sigh. I'm feeling so terrible now..

Something that I treasured a lot, sweet reminders of a child's sincerity and innocence.

Counting down..

2008-07-03T01:18:00.003+08:00

3 days more. That's the time I have in Delloyd. I've found many good people here, along with the bad ones of course. But the good ones, are more prominent than the bad ones. I actually felt sad, to leave them behind.

One colleague asked me today, just before off work.

"What kind of place will you be staying after this?"
"I will rent a room, not the whole house. Why?" I'm curious to know why she asked in the first place.
"Nothing. If you are staying in terrace houses, make sure you don't sleep on the floor." She answered.
I was thinking, what the hell does that mean?? Then she continued, "You have problems with your back, you shouldn't sleep on the floor. You will feel pain and it will get worse. If it's double storey, tell the owner you have to take the room upstairs."

At the moment, I felt so grateful for knowing such person. Knowing that I've been to doctor for me back pain, she actually cares for me and giving me advice to take care of my health when I'm away, alone in the city. The feeling of joy and happiness is really an understatement. How could someone I barely know care for me that much? Now I'm already missing them so much.

I even got a little booklet, bearing signatures and greetings from some of my colleagues. Simple, but I was really touched when they presented me the booklet. It's definitely something that I will treasure.

3 more days, and I will be leaving them altogether. I hope all the best for you guys, you have been really kind to me. Thanks for looking over my shoulder all this while. Thanks.

I can feel tears building up in my eyes now. Really amazing fellas here.. can't believe that we still have good people like them in this cold world.

New chapter

2008-06-24T02:13:00.004+08:00

Growing up, finally. When we all thought it's impossible for him to be good, he became one. Kenny called today. He called me. He was asking how was I doing? How's everyone at home? I thought at that moment, never did I called him after he went to uni. Was I too absorbed with my own life, that I literally forgotten about him? It was embarrassing, to call myself as an elder sister.

People do change when the environment changed. That's what we all going through. I got another job offer today, but the pay was too low compared to the first job. But somehow, I am happy to know that I'm offered the position. It proved that my capabilities has somehow convinced employers to hire me. B said thank God that the other company called me first, or i would have lost the better offer. Perhaps so, I have been blessed by GOD all this while.

I brought gran to the clinic today. BP was quite low. Doc knows that she has been worrying again. She tried to hide it from him, but well, she doesn't know that he already knows what's happening. Somehow, i felt that doc should know bout it and rather, forgave her for her eccentricity. After clinic, she wanted to have her hair cut. Waited for 1 hour before her turn. Watching her going up the stairs in such difficulty, really saddened me. Few times, that we have to stopped walking because her legs couldn't take it. Does dad understand what is she going through? I wonder..

When we reached home, I felt mum's uneasiness. She was grumpy again. Dare not to ask or anything, but rather, i felt sad for everything that has happened. Leonard told me yesterday, our lives doesn't revolve around him, and so is his. We have to learn to let go rather than forcing him to come back. Leonard believes that he will eventually return, but honestly, to me, it doesn't make any difference. I've got used to it, for not having him in the family. Guess we'll just wait and see what will happen next...

I have to be happy with my life. That's the only way to go. Living the present, loving my life, and people who loves me. This is what I've been waiting for in months. I have to move on and start a new chapter in my life. With B, with new job, new place to stay, I can only hope for the best in life.

Time to get a passport and travel around too.

Lights on Me

Who will you choose?

My Quote

Rambles

2012

Someone Like You

Amy Winehouse - Love is a losing game

Photowalk on a rainy afternoon

Goodbye Papa

ICU - 5th day

ICU - 2nd Day

Forgiven

为何？

累与泪

Alone

Goodbye Mido

Family

Ambitious

iPad craze!

Hosanna

Q1 ended

Updates**

Cats & Dogs

Valentine

It's Over

SMS

Taking back

Old friends

I need attention

Irony

Drowning

Resolution

Could this be it?

Merry Christmas

29th Year

December

If I were to choose

Finally, sweet win....

M.I.A.

Crisis

Plans?

What is it about being an account manager?

Discipline

dis·ci·pline

3rd day

Lonely

Cleanup!

Are women supposed to be dumb?

How far would you go?

Lazy Monday

Restart

Change

Customer Loyalty

Illusion

I want a tattoo

Sheridan's Coffee Layered Liquer

What do I like?

I deserve this

Troubled Mind

Lazy Sunday

Happy 3rd Birthday!

Mom, Gran and TV - Part 1

Live with Cable TV

The day after the longest email..

Complain

Movie Marathon

What do you think?

Departure

Melaka trip

7.30pm

Untitled

Back to Work!

2:46 a.m.

New month begins..

Rethinking Spirituality

Movie Marathon

I pierced my ear!

2010

The week has come to an end..

Crazy weekend!