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Whirlwind

It has been a whirlwind like for the past month. Had a depresive episode and anxiety attack last month, and still recovering from it. This is not the first time in depression, but it scares me alot compare to the last one some 12 years ago. I find myself gasping for air, reaching out for help, so that i can stay afloat in the midst of darkness and drowining. I remembered Kel alot during the past month or so.. the mental image of him lifeless, reminds me again and again, that I need to hang on in there, and put in effort to be alive. I am thankful to God in many ways, to give me the courage to walk out from this unscathed. Rather, I was given the chance to learn who I am as a person. I was exposed to my own shortcomings even when I refuse to see it, I was challenged to 'let go' to things and emotional burden that I have been carrying all this while. I spoke to more people in the past month then I ever spoke to in the year before. I knew I was desperate, and I needed to see and
Recent posts

Giving

After reading the history of Santa Claus (which was based on St. Nicholas' story), we had a conversation about meaning of Christmas. To Matia's surprise, Christmas is not about receiving gifts, and is to give away something. Me: That's why we should be giving away something for Christmas, rather than ask for something. Matia: But... i still want my toys. I want Beyblades! (his current interest..) Me: But that's not what Christmases are for.. Matia: (after some deep thoughts...) Ok fine.. I will give away my toys.. only mine. I won't give away Nathan's toys. Me: That's good! Glad you understand it. Matia: But mommy said she will buy me Beyblades for birthday..  :D I find that despite of not joining children church for the past year due to MCO, his understanding about concept of who God is are quite remarkable for his age. From time to time, he surprised us with his understanding from what he reads (or more like what I shared) in the bible and use it in daily

Anger Management

M   : Aunty Sharon, I am angry now.. Me : Why? What happened? M   : Daddy wanted to share my biscuits, I don't want to. Me : What should we do when we are angry? M   :....... Me : Let's breath, and count. M   : Ok Aunty Sharon.. Me : Breath, 1.... Breath... M   : 2... Breath, 3..... Breath 4....(chuckle) Me : Are you ok now? Are you still angry? M   : No, its funny! (Burst out laughing) 13 days in to Movement Control Order, I have spent a lot of time with Matia for the past 13 days. This little boy is turning 5 this year, struggled with some TV addiction, but he did so well today. From spending time playing on his own, painting, trying to read (even when he complains it is difficult), eating lunch by his own without leaving the table, taking in the vegetables which he usually manage to pick out with his tongue, and yes... anger management. We found that he was talking spitefully to both his parents on every small rejection he received. I showed him some clips from the Disn

What do you want?

I have not been writing, nor reading for quite some time. Was in a state of denial in many things in my life. Lost courage to pursue things I wanted to. These things are not even my dreams, just daily life and task. In short, I have become lazy to live an exciting life. Spending most of my time at work, teaching and ministering, I lost touch with real life. What is life, I wonder? How did I end up in this state? Not physical state, but this state of mind? What the heck do I want in my life??

Breathe

I need a small space, Away from the sound of humans,  Away from the language that I could understand,  And have a solitude on my own. Amidst the laughter and chattering sounds of others, I seek quietness.  Is this wrong? Is this awkward? Is this antisocial? Should I care how others see me? I wish that I'm unreachable for a day,  Enough of technology,  Enough of connecting with others,  Enough of fake socialization.  Give me my space,  Give me my time,  Give me my mind,  and my body,  Let me breathe... 

QOTD

What do you really want 5 years down the road? Can you see yourself doing something you love, or will you be complacent at where you are now? 

Rant

I'm exhausted. I don't feel like teaching today, but to be honest, knowing myself, I won't allow that to happen. Sometimes I wondered, things that I am doing now, is it for the benefit of others? Or just because I wanted to feel good about it? It's a fine line, and I am not sure which side of the line I am standing on. There are many things going on in my mind. Trying to figure out what should I do, what can I do, how can do these stuffs. There are times, I just felt that everyone wanted a piece of me. Do they feel grateful for every "yes" that I say to them? Or are they taking for granted for these "yes"es? Again, I don't know.  I am tired, but I keep running. I am exhausted, but I keep doing what I need to do. I am supposed to learn how to say "no" this year. But I have failed miserably for all I know.  Anyway, time to teach..  Thank You God, for giving me this strength to go on every day. I pray for wisdom and