Lights on Me

1) Addiction to Mafia Wars in Facbook. I need to get my Godfather book from Klang!! 2) 9 months in sales.... I thought I never survive past June 2009. 3) Enjoying my weekend finally! 4) Just had a short break from Kuantan :) 5) Thinking of coming trip to Cameron Highlands! 6) Gym ... gym... gym.. 7) Work...work..work..

Work seems to take most of my time in life. Many said to me, don't get too attached with my job. Work is endless. If you ever find one day that you don't have any work to do, that will be the day you have to leave your job. Yet, I don't have any other life except my job. Being new in the team pressures me more to perform as I'm really a 'kiasu'. Being at the bottom for 1st few months, really push me to move forward. Indeed last month, I found some relief in my job. But, every month will be a new challenge. This is my true nature. Many times I thought, why am I in this line of career. What happened to my studies? My music? My passion? Day in day out, sometimes, I dread going to work. But once I started, I don't look back at all. So many things to do. I wonder when will I be able to let go. Let go of my job, let go of my crazy hectic life. Let go of my 'kiasu'ness. When will I dare to make that change in life? I really don't know.

Wish to go for a cinema. Doesn't matter if I need to go alone. Wish to go to the bookstore, Borders, Kinokuniya, MPH, or even Popular... I just need some knowledge juice for my hungry brain. Wish I am still in the bed... watching all my episodes of downloaded House, CSI, The Simpsons... Wish I am out in the park, joggin with my MP3 Players.. have some new good workout songs lately.. Wish to have a short vacation.. somewhere far from city, far from house, far from work... Wish to have the money enough to splurge for myself.... Maybe a trip to the Zoo again.. parks.. garden... beach.. Or maybe a just spending time with a good book and a good cup of coffee... And yet, where I am?? At 3.06pm , 09 May 2009, Saturday......... I'm still at the f****** office! Blehs!~

I woke up early to baby blue eyes from afar whoah whoah And when the sun comes through lights you like the angel you are whoah whoah I know I do you wrong when I'm with you I've been gone With every season change, it looks the same, November to June whoah whoah And don't these empty streets skip a beat the flowers don't bloom whoah whoah I can't believe I missed your birthday again And I wanna come back but I just don't know when now And I'm so lonely your not here with me That's why I'm gonna be on the next plane home The road that never ends around the bend I see your smile whoah whoah I'd swim acorss the sea to be with you for a while whoah whoah Cos I've made a life of been gone Now the way that I feel is just that I don't belong here And I'm so lonely you're not here with me That's why I'm gonna be on the next plane home And you're, you're the only face I wanna see That's why I'm gonna be on the next p...

Life has been a mess for the past whole week. Juggling between work and family is not my strength. I certainly missed mum being around. He just lost his respect from all his children. He knew it before and he definitely knows it now. But he's just too arrogant to come back and admit that it's his fault that things turn out so badly. I confronted him for his actions last night. I have never raised my voice against him, but yesterday, it's just really unbearable. If I knew what happened later after I left, I would have screamed my lungs out and bring my brothers along with me. Last night, what you did is plainly stupid. Stupid, for leaving your family behind. Stupid, for seeking for comfort from others while your wife is here waiting at home. Stupid, for not caring over your children. Stupid, for ignoring your responsibility as a son, a husband and a father. You have definitely lost what you had all this while. All because of your ego, arrogance and stupidity.

Mum had a stroke last Tuesday. It was really a sudden call.. perhaps it's a sign for her to opt for retirement. At 56, she seems really strong and healthy, but things are not always what we wanted. Mum's illness has been the focus for all of us for the past few week. I cried so many times, fearing that I might lose her. I have not even take care of her as what I have hope for. Times has been really chaotic for the past whole week. Juggling my work, and managing my brothers and family matters, I felt so tired and exhausted. Few times when I drove to work from Klang early in the morning, I almost got into accident. I really have no choice, but to ask Dad to come home and help. He came back, but it's hard to accept him back. My brothers were angry at him, I am angry at him. Suppose that he came back earlier and sort things out with mum, perhaps mum won't get struck by this sudden stroke. How life changes in a moment. How fragile us humans in the eyes of God. How worthless ...

Started fresh today. I had a good vibe since morning, mainly due to my 40 minuted jogging I guess. Finally, I've made the first step. I woke up early today, to see my running shoes, clean and white, lying just beside the door. A sure reminder to make me walk to the park and start my day. My Sony Walkman NWZ-B133F.. good companion for jogging. Along I pickup my Sony Walkman , which I have downloaded some songs for jogging, I walked to the park just outside the apartment. Although it's almost 8pm. but still, no one was there. There used to be a group of middle aged ladies dancing around the court, wonder where they are today...? As the crowd grows around the park, I decided to head back to the apartment and get my car. I have planned to eat 'you char kuey' today and there's a vendor near the sports complex near by. Bought 5 of it, 2 long ones, one with red beans, one round one but empty ( this is delicious!) and the one with glutinous rice. I can't even wait to r...