Lights on Me

After reading the history of Santa Claus (which was based on St. Nicholas' story), we had a conversation about meaning of Christmas. To Matia's surprise, Christmas is not about receiving gifts, and is to give away something. Me: That's why we should be giving away something for Christmas, rather than ask for something. Matia: But... i still want my toys. I want Beyblades! (his current interest..) Me: But that's not what Christmases are for.. Matia: (after some deep thoughts...) Ok fine.. I will give away my toys.. only mine. I won't give away Nathan's toys. Me: That's good! Glad you understand it. Matia: But mommy said she will buy me Beyblades for birthday..  :D I find that despite of not joining children church for the past year due to MCO, his understanding about concept of who God is are quite remarkable for his age. From time to time, he surprised us with his understanding from what he reads (or more like what I shared) in the bible and use it in daily ...

M   : Aunty Sharon, I am angry now.. Me : Why? What happened? M   : Daddy wanted to share my biscuits, I don't want to. Me : What should we do when we are angry? M   :....... Me : Let's breath, and count. M   : Ok Aunty Sharon.. Me : Breath, 1.... Breath... M   : 2... Breath, 3..... Breath 4....(chuckle) Me : Are you ok now? Are you still angry? M   : No, its funny! (Burst out laughing) 13 days in to Movement Control Order, I have spent a lot of time with Matia for the past 13 days. This little boy is turning 5 this year, struggled with some TV addiction, but he did so well today. From spending time playing on his own, painting, trying to read (even when he complains it is difficult), eating lunch by his own without leaving the table, taking in the vegetables which he usually manage to pick out with his tongue, and yes... anger management. We found that he was talking spitefully to both his parents on every small rejection...

I have not been writing, nor reading for quite some time. Was in a state of denial in many things in my life. Lost courage to pursue things I wanted to. These things are not even my dreams, just daily life and task. In short, I have become lazy to live an exciting life. Spending most of my time at work, teaching and ministering, I lost touch with real life. What is life, I wonder? How did I end up in this state? Not physical state, but this state of mind? What the heck do I want in my life??

I need a small space, Away from the sound of humans,  Away from the language that I could understand,  And have a solitude on my own. Amidst the laughter and chattering sounds of others, I seek quietness.  Is this wrong? Is this awkward? Is this antisocial? Should I care how others see me? I wish that I'm unreachable for a day,  Enough of technology,  Enough of connecting with others,  Enough of fake socialization.  Give me my space,  Give me my time,  Give me my mind,  and my body,  Let me breathe... 

What do you really want 5 years down the road? Can you see yourself doing something you love, or will you be complacent at where you are now? 

I'm exhausted. I don't feel like teaching today, but to be honest, knowing myself, I won't allow that to happen. Sometimes I wondered, things that I am doing now, is it for the benefit of others? Or just because I wanted to feel good about it? It's a fine line, and I am not sure which side of the line I am standing on. There are many things going on in my mind. Trying to figure out what should I do, what can I do, how can do these stuffs. There are times, I just felt that everyone wanted a piece of me. Do they feel grateful for every "yes" that I say to them? Or are they taking for granted for these "yes"es? Again, I don't know.  I am tired, but I keep running. I am exhausted, but I keep doing what I need to do. I am supposed to learn how to say "no" this year. But I have failed miserably for all I know.  Anyway, time to teach..  Thank You God, for giving me this strength to go on every day. I pray for wisdom and ...

Today was the last service for 2015 @ CHCKL. As I looked back on 2015, it was definitely a better year to the year before. Which fulfills the theme of 2015 -- "BETTER". I have decided to start writing more about my journey of faith from today onwards. Hence, the change of my blog name to "Lights on Me, Shine for Others." It didn't sound right to me for now, but I just want to remind myself that the focus is no longer on me, but on Him.  The reason I chose "Shining for Others" is because of my journey with Him this year. Cambodia mission trip, volunteering in school, teaching in the refugee school. I will continue to do His work for next year. And perhaps, as long as I live on this earth. As the scriptures says: Mark 9:35 He sat down, called the twelve disciples over to him, and said, “Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else What's in store for 2016? I do not know, but I know God will take...