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Are women supposed to be dumb?


Age has definitely catch up with me. Been clubbing whole night through and had only short naps today due to the urge to watch F1 qualifying and actual race. And now, after wearing heels whole night, and losing sleeping time, I feel like my whole body is falling apart.

Been doing lots of thinking yesterday, was wondering when will I let my brain stop thinking. I asked myself lots of questions, about myself and decisions I made recently.

Who am I actually?
How does others perceive me?
How does my friends think of me?

Reason was actually pretty simple. I made lots of decision that I feel like I am being taken granted of. They know me too well. No matter what they do, I will still be their friends. JP told me, I must have needs, must have the guts to tell them I need a favor, I need attention, to put it in simple words, I must have guts to demand. Why do I let people walk all over me, without saying a word? Is it because I don't like confrontation? Or is it I'm afraid that if I confront them, they will eventually walk out of my life?

I chose "Lights on Me" as the blog name, because that's what I am. I need attention, which was hard to get at home as my parents and family feels that my brothers need more attention than I am. At work, I almost never complain. I work and work, without complaining bout targets or workload. If I have to, I will just work over time, no grudge what ever. In social life, I don't possess attractive looks and sometimes, I feel left out because of this. All I have is my knowledge and my brain, but how many people out there really appreciate what I have?

JP told me that I'm too tough, almost like a man. It scares people away, especially men. But hey, thats what I am. I'm proud of what I am, but does it really scares people away? I don't like spending time talking nonsense on the phone. I don't like sending SMS that are pointless. I'm just too bloody rational and realistic. Rather than spending away on making pointless comments, I read and keep on learning. I think about making the most out of my life. Learning new things and venture into new horizon.

Sometimes, I wonder why can't I be like some other woman. Just don't bother to even learn. Act like what men wants a woman to be. Dumb. My guy friends always boast bout their gf, that they are 'simple minded' and easy to please. Buy something fancy and expensive and they are all yours. And I truly believe that their GFs are happy as well.

Maybe I have to change myself to be like this 'simple minded' girls. Perhaps people especially men would appreciate me more than now. But nah. Why should I degrade myself to a mindless bimbo /jumbo (looking at my size) like what they prefer? Why giving in to social pressure while I know I can do much and achieve much more than what I am doing now?

Conclusion: I have to learn to love myself more than anything or anyone and that's my 2 cents for the day.




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