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Ist day without u..

I hope that you'll read my blog someday. Coz there're so many shadows and foot prints of yours all over it...and i want you to know about it.

At last, we settle it nicely. Nicely as in we both agree to walk alone without each other again. U became the young friend that used to come to chat with me. The friend who shares and cares. Rather than the confused partner for the past 7 months.

You're graduating today, congrats again. Didn't know that you're going to the convo. Why didn't you tell me? But, what if you tell me? There isn't anything that i can or i need to do about it. It doesn't matter anymore.

U finally replied my message, and i call u back. Everything seemed to be so hard for me. Gladly, it doesn't goes hard on you. When i made the decision yesterday, i was thinking about what'll happen to you. I felt the guilt whole day long, not able to eat and think properly. Crying out hard and loud. For a moment, i had a glimpse of ending my life. Thank goodness i was strong enough.
Thank goodness i have friends who care and understanding.

We tried to talk. It wasn't as easy as i thought it'll be. Moreover, i've been loving you full heartedly for the past 7 months. Admitting our relationship is a failure was painful. You say it's ok. You felt sorry for making so sad and down. You said sorry for not being the one for me. You said sorry for not able to give what i needed from the relationship. You apologize again. I just kept silent. Nothing more to say.

Apologies accepted. Time to move on. Still there's this big part of my heart still thinking about you. Is it love? I'm not sure anymore. I need to emptied this space for a more suitable person in the future. I told you that i'll still love you, as a friend. I want it to be like before we started as couple. You were kind of reluctant i sensed. Well, take your time. I wouldn't push anymore.

You sounded quite cheerful when we talked. It hit me, why aren't you sad or angry? Because that's how i feel. You said the effect will come few days later. Then you'll grief for it. Hah..still trying to cheer me up. I think you felt guilty over this mess. I'm glad though that you can finally laugh. Haven't heard you having fun for a long time. I made the right decision. It's ok. It's over.

Today is a new day, a refreshing start. For you and for me. Wish you all the best in your life, in your future. Still have thoughts in my mind, but i guess some words are best left unsaid.

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