Welcome to My Life

This is how i felt these days.

Anti social.
Illogical.
Moody.
Exhausted.
Frustrated.
Blue.
Poor.
And... OLD.

At this point, i really believe that the light is out.
No more lights on me, cause I don't want any attention on me.
I just want to move out, and live a simple life.
At the age of 25 going to 26, I still worried how my family will feel if I told them I want a vacation. As I always remember, having a vacation is a waste of money, waste of time.
That's what they think.

At this moment too, I felt lonely for not having my partner around me.
Jealous and envy for those who have someone special, near by them.
I need love, and care. Not from everyone, but only from him.

Work has not been easy, thoughts of getting a new one, but still, I just got my confirmation.
I'm ambitious, I want much more from this fragile life.
I want to achieve things that people do not expect from me.
I know people around me, doesnt care for my existence, it doesn't matter at all.
Just want to live it through.

To anyone who reads this, welcome to my life.

Comments

Road back home -A marriage of accounting, planning, and acting skills

What a jovial mood i'm in. Nothing particular exciting but just felt good, at least until now. Gonna go back home later on a 2 1/2 hours of bus travel... Sigh... Just realized that I've been travelling back home like this for years. During my uni days (hah, sound like it's been so long!), i couldn't afford to travel back home every weekends/month. Too far away and the only transport available is airplane. So, I went back twice or a year, sometimes during holidays, sometimes during term break. Remembering back then, we students are really good in calculating the lowest expenditures to go back home.. Many of us had actually mastered all the required skills (accounting and planning skills) and can easily passed off as travel agents or accountants. We even mastered our acting skills especially to the staffs in airlines booking agency and airports ( it's due to the fact that we are almost certain to bring overweight luggage every time we stepped on an airplane).. The who...

My Donkey

Remember the annoying, big mouthed yet good in nature Donkey in Shrek and Shrek 2? Can you remember any friends that resembles the Donkey? And seriously, I DO NOT MEAN PHYSICALLY!!! Recently, I've come to realized that there are lots of " Donkeys " in my life. Don't feel offended if I'm referring anyone as a donkey, coz do put in mind that at the same time, I'm an Ogre too. Yep, it's funny how some friends tend to annoyed us so much that we would like to tell them to shut their mouth sometimes! They will keep on going just to keep us annoyed even you've give out all the possible signals and hints that you're really not in the mood to join in their play. But their patience is somewhat last for eternity. They'll follow you around just to keep you in their watching distance. Although some may not resembled the loud Donkey in Shrek, but they do have other ways to annoy you. I have this particular friend who were so choosy and annoying, and somet...

Whirlwind

It has been a whirlwind like for the past month. Had a depresive episode and anxiety attack last month, and still recovering from it. This is not the first time in depression, but it scares me alot compare to the last one some 12 years ago. I find myself gasping for air, reaching out for help, so that i can stay afloat in the midst of darkness and drowining. I remembered Kel alot during the past month or so.. the mental image of him lifeless, reminds me again and again, that I need to hang on in there, and put in effort to be alive. I am thankful to God in many ways, to give me the courage to walk out from this unscathed. Rather, I was given the chance to learn who I am as a person. I was exposed to my own shortcomings even when I refuse to see it, I was challenged to 'let go' to things and emotional burden that I have been carrying all this while. I spoke to more people in the past month then I ever spoke to in the year before. I knew I was desperate, and I needed to see and...

Lights on Me

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