Lights on Me

I am a woman, and feels that I did lots of stuffs for lots of people, all the time. I give in most of the time. I don't argue or demand for anything. I am very logic and realistic and independent. Too independent at times. Sometimes being taken for granted easily. But lately, my mood swing is getting crazier. Just a snap, and my mood changed. I notice it as well. In my head, there's lots of things jumbled up. I can't find anyone to talk to. I felt, alone. No matter how much I tried to explain, when it comes to face-to-face interaction, I lose out. I don't feel comfortable at all. I am lacking of confidence when it comes to pepeople interaction. I just can't be happy and I don;t know wh

I am managing 2 blogs now. 1 to jot down happiness, while the other one, basically recording all my pessimism. How to maintain that balance in life? I am learning. How to remain positive in such pessimist mood? How to be pessimist when one is trying to remember all happy thoughts? Irony isn't it? That's what life is, how life works. I am thankful for everything that has been given upon me by God. Hardships, happiness, tears, courage, sadness.... all the irony in life, is what I call adventure.

The more I think about work, the more I hated it. I don't remember when was the last time I hate my job. If I can survive without the salary, I will choose not to work now. Early this week, I started a new blog, to jot down one happy thing that cheer me up and make me smile,only one thing. By the 5th day, I find it tough to even maintain. I feel lost in my job, my work, my relationship with family and friends. I don't feel motivated at all to even work. Yet my ex-bosses looked up highly on me. I feel pressured but I didn't know how to tell my current boss. Working alone outside and not getting the support really makes me feel helpless. And being my vain self, I need attention. I need words of encouragement and show how. Some how I don't feel that I am suitable for the job. I don't know why. Perhaps I would be happier if I stay in job in telesales. Dunno la...

2nd post of 2011. What would I be rambling about? Actually, nothing much to talk about. Just feel like writing (or rather typing) things out. Looking back in 2010, so many things has happened. Lots of frustrating times, and although I have gotten much of commision, nothing seems to stay in my pocket. And I'm still at debt with the government for education fund. Thought of studying again, but yet, I don't think I will any soon. It's no longer in priority. It's no longer possible. Thought of buying a house, a modest one, but not at this moment. House prices is currently rising like mad. Imagine a double storey terrace house cost 700k in Klang Lama. Apartment cost around 350k at least... How would I be able to get my own house? Thought of changing my car, but well, I'm working in Balakong and Kajang, and Bangi. No use of buying a good car only to risk it hitting a pot hole or a cow eventually. Thought and thoughts.... everything can only be imagined in my head. Which o

I like it when light bulbs appear in cartoons, showing that the character was inspired by an idea. I called it the "Ting" moment. 3 of us in the house, sat down watching TV last nite. I always enjoy the company of my house mates, chit chatting bout world issue that doesn't concern any of us, that's what happened most of the time. Yesterday, the "ting" moment appears in my mind and I asked "What was the easiest and fastest way to make a commendable amount of money?" We all start talking and planning bout how we can make money, doing business as a team. Ideas poured out, never really think that there are so many things that we can do. Best part of the whole thing is, it's all workable! It can be done, with some patience and connections, all this can be done and it's almost money back guarantee! All I can wonder is, could this be it? Is this the opportunity that we are all waiting for? Will it be a breakthrough in 2011? I can only ponder what