Life is about choices.. Choices about how you want to run your life, what principles that you hold, what career you are heading in the future. Perhaps, now is a time where tough choices are ahead for me. Both family and friends have their own saying about what is the best. So, what's the best for me?
I'm easily influenced by persuasion, and i usually give in easily. Sometimes ever so reluctantly, i followed what people asked or wanted me to do. I do not have much consideration of what I want in the first place. For this, I've been wasting more than a year now, which could easily turned out to be an interesting year for me to proceed to my dreams. A year of frustration, a year of uncertainty, and a year of lost chances.
The 6 months in Melaka wasn't the best in my life. Some might say it's just a short period in your life. But in reality, I've lost alot of chances in this 6 months time. Work, study, career, even my relationship. Every person in my life has their own idea of the ideal life for me. What i should do, or what's the best for me. But, what about things that I want? Do they listen? Do they understand?
I'm a person who will still give the best and do things well even i hated it very much. Right until now, no one understand this side of me. I have the the need to be responsibility, it's a principle that i live with as far as i can remember. The moment i promise a person, I'll make sure i keep it. That's what happened in Melaka. I promised someone. And there goes 6 months of my life. People said I'm stubborn, well, maybe I am.
Now, I promised the headmistress, to teach until the end of the term. Again I'm bonded by the stubborness to keep my promise, and losing chances of other working opportunities. Then I promised to teach violin on Sundays. While almost everyone told me to stop, saying it's not worth my trouble to waste approximately 4 hours of travelling, I just can't break my promise. Some part of me pity the students, coz i know how it feels to keep changing teachers monthly....
It all comes back to choices.
To choose to let go, or to hang on and keep my promises...
To choose to study abroad, or be content with local education...
To choose to stay static, or to change my principles....
To choose to run my life on my own, or having others to mingle with it...
I'm standing at a crossroads, don't know what to do, don't know where to go, and don't know what to choose.. I just need a time-out now. Perhaps be alone for a few days, to think, to decide, and to make choices.. I really need that.
I'm easily influenced by persuasion, and i usually give in easily. Sometimes ever so reluctantly, i followed what people asked or wanted me to do. I do not have much consideration of what I want in the first place. For this, I've been wasting more than a year now, which could easily turned out to be an interesting year for me to proceed to my dreams. A year of frustration, a year of uncertainty, and a year of lost chances.
The 6 months in Melaka wasn't the best in my life. Some might say it's just a short period in your life. But in reality, I've lost alot of chances in this 6 months time. Work, study, career, even my relationship. Every person in my life has their own idea of the ideal life for me. What i should do, or what's the best for me. But, what about things that I want? Do they listen? Do they understand?
I'm a person who will still give the best and do things well even i hated it very much. Right until now, no one understand this side of me. I have the the need to be responsibility, it's a principle that i live with as far as i can remember. The moment i promise a person, I'll make sure i keep it. That's what happened in Melaka. I promised someone. And there goes 6 months of my life. People said I'm stubborn, well, maybe I am.
Now, I promised the headmistress, to teach until the end of the term. Again I'm bonded by the stubborness to keep my promise, and losing chances of other working opportunities. Then I promised to teach violin on Sundays. While almost everyone told me to stop, saying it's not worth my trouble to waste approximately 4 hours of travelling, I just can't break my promise. Some part of me pity the students, coz i know how it feels to keep changing teachers monthly....
It all comes back to choices.
To choose to let go, or to hang on and keep my promises...
To choose to study abroad, or be content with local education...
To choose to stay static, or to change my principles....
To choose to run my life on my own, or having others to mingle with it...
I'm standing at a crossroads, don't know what to do, don't know where to go, and don't know what to choose.. I just need a time-out now. Perhaps be alone for a few days, to think, to decide, and to make choices.. I really need that.
Comments
Let's take it as a life's lesson as to not get influenced easily, no matter what they say, but to take it as an idea / advise on how to go about in life.
For my own personal belief, i try hard to keep promises i've made because i know how it feels if a promise is broken. But i also take into consideration of myself. (u know? Me myself and I!) call me selfish or whatever, but when a situation arises and needs me to change / forego the promise i've made, i will do it. I will think twice for the consequences, but at the end of the day, if its good for me, why not take the chance?
I mean, i cant be forever pleasing ppl and stuck to my stubborness. I gotta do something FOR myself, because NOBODY will do for me. and at the end of the day, nobody really cares what will happen to you (well maybe except a few ppl in your life)
Its all about decisions.
I hope you understand what i'm trying to tell u.
if u feel u deserve it, go and get it. if u need time to decide, give it to yourself. No one can make you suffer except yourself. and while other ppl can make you happy, no other one will make you happier or more satisfied than yourself, of what you've accomplished. :)
live life!
NO point blaming others. It's me who's gotta change. No one can make me suffer or happy beside myself. U are right. I just need some courage and guts to actually stand up and decide. I have to think for myself and not just to please everyone.
Thanx for the enllightenment, I juz need to talk it out. Missed having a nice talk wiv u. really .. hugs n take care k?