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When she cried

Today, I received a call from a student's guardian. She solemnly asked me whether i taught my student how to count in one of her exam pieces. Primarily, i was quite shocked. I tried to recall the last lesson with the kid, and as I remembered it, it went pretty well. A talented kid with a big attitude problem. Anyhow, the last lesson we had was really good. Then, she told me that the my student told her that I never taught her how to count properly, and therefore she couldnt practice the piece properly. I told the lady that it's impossible for me not to teach her about timing and counting. It must be a mistake. Both of us finally agree that the kid is lying again, as usual.

2 hours later, my student came into my class. I was angry at her for accusing me like that. The younger sister told me that her sister was punished for that particular incident and how she had to hide under the piano. Suddenly my anger was gone, and all that left was pity. She prepared her violin in a very slow manner, trying to waste the 1/2 hour time i hv for her. That's the usual tactic since the 1st day I taught her. When she started to play, it sounded so bad that I have to stopped her altogether.

This pair of sisters is one of my many problematic students. Or more precisely, growing up in a problem-infested family. Since she witnessed her mother's suicide few years back, she has tranformed to a rebellious kid. Stealing, lying, and other mischief that troubles everyone around her. Apart from that, she was really hostile with her younger sister. While the younger sister didn't hv much impact from the suicide, she has her own sets of problems trailing behind.

I told her to put down her violin, sit down and relax. I could have sense that she's angry with everyone in the room.

"Do you still remember your mother?" I asked. She silently nodded her head. And I asked the younger one to leave the room for awhile. " Do you still missed her?" And at this moment, I saw tears accumulating in her eyes. But with her strong persona, she kept quiet, very quiet indeed. I do not understand why I chose to ask her the question, but I felt that it's time to let her grieve properly for the mother's death.

I put on my courage to try to break into her mind. "Your mum left. I know it's painful. I know it's hard on you. I can't understand how hard it is but i know you're having a hard time to cope with it.. She chose to end her life, it's her choice. Don't blame yourself." She wept silently, quietly nodding her head while staring at her feet.

"Cry if u want to. It's OK to cry. It's OK to feel sad. Everyone here loves you very much. They might not be able to said it, but you can definitely feel it. Everything they did is acted out of love. Grief for your mum, but don't forget ppl around you. Life is all about choices, and you can always choose to be good or bad. It's up to you. As your mum chose to leave, she had her own reasons which we will never know. But, it's time to let her go." She quietly responded, "I know."

"Play for your mum, as she's always here with you. Let her know that you loved her." Slowly, she picked up violin and ready to play again. I was worried that she might breakdown, but she's much more stronger than i expected. At that moment, I felt like hugging her into my arms, and comfort her. Somehow, something stopped me. I have to understand, I'm not her mother, or anywhere close to that. I asked her again whether she wants to continue playing, and to my delight, she answers, "It's OK teacher. I want to play." She smiled to me for the 1st time today.
She played again, not perfect but it sounded beautiful to my ears. Perhaps it's the heart of the player that shone through the song. She stopped ocassionally to correct the pitch of certain notes, and rhythmic errors. But I was proud with her flawed performance. It's the strong spirit that encourage her to pick up her violin again and as I believed, she might have been playing for her mother. There was a peaceful silence when she finished the piece. I told her that she was doing very well. Apart from the small mistakes. She smiled back at me.

After her class ended, she stayed back in the class to watch her sister playing. Something that I've never seen before. She usually couldnt wait to leave the class as soon as she finished. She joked around how bad her sister sounded. But the younger one took it very nicely, somehow a bond was created at that moment. She even helped her sister to clean the traces of resin on her violin, and later even packed the younger girl's stuffs into her bag.

I don't know how much impact I have on these 2 girls. And I know it's impossible to see changes in them right on the spot. But I believed that this is definitely a start, for them. All I could do is to wish, hope and perhaps pray that their mother will somehow look upon them from heaven, and guide them to the right path in life.


Comments

Anonymous said…
It's a good thing that you talked to the girl, heart to heart. I can't imagine how she witnessed her mother's suicide. It must be very very hard for her and definitely, the incident left a 'permanent scar' inside her. Too young to suffer such a thing. You did a good job of talking to her indeed. She'll trust you even more.

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