Lights on Me

Here I am, alone at home. Both my housemates has plans to go out. I can't help feeling lonely tonight. Then, I realized that I don't have much friends to hang out. Really have this feeling of going to Starbucks, grab a coffee and see some strangers. SY, you are not getting any younger. I know. But I am not looking for a spouse. Not yet. I am not ready. I need someone by my side though. Someone that will encourage me to move on. Someone that will love me for who I am. Not someone that they want to make me into. SY, time to move on with life. I want to. I thought I can live alone. Without anyone. Just to realize, I am not that strong after all. Now what? Hitting the gym, shower, go Starbucks, grab a latte, read a book. That's another day.

I m just stoned by the news that he is dead. My ex and my dearest friend. In fact all the flash backs appear in my mind. My heart thinking of things that I wanted to share with him, the chats, the pictures, the experience, to bring him to see my niece... All that I've promised,it cannot be done now. Although we are so far apart, I felt tremendous guilt and sadness. Wish I could have more time to talk to him again or to see him again. I wish I could see him again. I really wish... I dunno what should I feel.. Or say. Or think. I just cant believe everything that happened. I can't continue writing this blog. At least not today. My tears keep flowing, thinking bout him.

Hey Mido, I still can't believe that you are gone. Your friend left me a message in FB. I wasn't sure whether I was prepared to hear it. The war took away your life. But I am sure that was what you really wanted to do. Given the 2nd chance, you would have go for the war again against the government. Can't even believed that the last time we talked was on my birthday last year. If I can turn back time, I would have told you how much I missed you my friend. After knowing you for 6 years, you are one of my closest friend. I am sorry for hurting your feelings. I am sorry that we can't be together. I am sorry for putting your life in misery. I am sorry for everything. When your friend told me that your security question for you FB account is my name, my heart literally sank. I should believed what you told me all this while. I am really sorry Mido. Your people is slowly winning the war from your government.I know you will be happy to hear in heaven. As that was wha...