Lights on Me

After bouts of down-ness last week. I finally manage to put it aside, temporarily. I know I still need to face it when it comes. Perhaps in another month or two. CNY is around the corner, while we are not celebrating this year, relatives are coming around to have a family dinner. Reunion dinner and new year lunch will still be on. This is the 1st time we are not having dad around. Trust me, after 2 months, I still miss him. I missed him joking around with us, doing impressions with Leonard. If he is still around, he would have love our new family member, Crystal as he always love dogs. Another excitement, is Kevin & I will be going for a photo shooting again! Yay!! Perhaps I should ask James whether he will be around. But well, its CNY. Should be with family. Anyway, our destination will be in Dong Zen Temple in Jenjarom. As this might be the last year Kevin is around, this should be something where we can remember for a long time. Looking at the pictures of previous years onli...

1st post in 2012, and it is about pain and heartache. Definitely not a good omen for the year. But as pastor said to day, we are running to win. Not to give up just yet. Yes, I might give up this relationship which seems more and more distance to me, but I should not give up on other things in life. This year, I am going to climb KK Mountain. God knows how afraid am I to be given such a challenge. But its a obstacle that I need to overcome. Perhaps once I reached the top, it will open my path ahead, literally. I will have the courage to overcome my fear in life, fear of commitments, fear of being in a relationship, fear of getting out from my comfort zone. This is a promise I have for myself. No backing off, no matter what. No matter how hard and tough it is going to be, no breaking down in tears, no more self pity. Welcome, 2012.

Adele's Someone Like you has been playing in my mind today. I felt that she's singing about what I am going through now. And its all the pain and the sadness in the song piercing into my heart today. How irony it is, how unexpected it is, how bitter sweet it is. I guess, this is what I wanted to tell you exactly. The exact words that comes from my heart. Wonder whether you will come to my blog again after this. I heard that you're settled down That you found a girl and you're married now. I heard that your dreams came true. Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you. Old friend, why are you so shy? Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light. I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded That for me it isn't over. Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you too Don't for...

My favourite song from Amy Winehouse. Year 2011 marks many unfortunate events, and one of it, is the passing of this star. This song touched me whenever I listen to it. All I can wonder, what has she been through to write a song so full of emotions and regrets? R.I.P Amy. For you I was a flame Love is a losing game Five story fire as you came Love is a losing game One I wish I never played Oh what a mess we made And now the final frame Love is a losing game Played out by the band Love is a losing hand More than I could stand Love is a losing hand Self professed... profound Till the chips were down ...know you're a gambling man Love is a losing hand Though I battle blind Love is a fate resigned Memories mar my mind Love is a fate resigned Over futile odds And laughed at by the gods And now the final frame Love is a losing game

It's pictures like this that me wanting to take photos. Expensive hobby though, but its all worth it. Taken in Batu Caves, on a rainy afternoon. Kevin & I just decided to go for a photo walk. Such randomness I would say. Despite his hangover, and my seriously unfit body and legs, we managed to get to the top. And without a doubt, it was no mistake at all. The mood in the cave was quiet for a weekend. Heavy smell of incense, sounds of prayers of the devoted, the dimly lighted cave is house of the Hindu gods. And the 272 steps, is Stairway to Heaven. So, where should we go next?

I dreamed of you today. I thought I wouldn't. Do you know how much I missed you? Almost 2 weeks now, I really hope to see you again. At least for a second. All I have is memories of the time when we are still a family. Where you and mum will drive Leonard and me to museum, to the zoo, and even back to Seremban. I missed those times so much that I can't even bear it to be alone out here. I have so much more to tell you. I missed hearing your voice, asking me how was my work? Whether I am fine. Even though its just through a phone. Thats the only thing that keep us together as father-daugther even when I didn't see you for months and months. Papa, I hope you are fine up there in heavens. I am glad that your suffering on earth has ended. I really love you and I missed you dearly.

Dad passed away last night @ 10.47 pm. We will love you, and remember you forever. Thanks for everything you have sacrifice and given to us. God bless you, I know you are in a happier place now.