It has been a whirlwind like for the past month. Had a depresive episode and anxiety attack last month, and still recovering from it. This is not the first time in depression, but it scares me alot compare to the last one some 12 years ago. I find myself gasping for air, reaching out for help, so that i can stay afloat in the midst of darkness and drowining. I remembered Kel alot during the past month or so.. the mental image of him lifeless, reminds me again and again, that I need to hang on in there, and put in effort to be alive. I am thankful to God in many ways, to give me the courage to walk out from this unscathed. Rather, I was given the chance to learn who I am as a person. I was exposed to my own shortcomings even when I refuse to see it, I was challenged to 'let go' to things and emotional burden that I have been carrying all this while. I spoke to more people in the past month then I ever spoke to in the year before. I knew I was desperate, and I needed to see and
After reading the history of Santa Claus (which was based on St. Nicholas' story), we had a conversation about meaning of Christmas. To Matia's surprise, Christmas is not about receiving gifts, and is to give away something. Me: That's why we should be giving away something for Christmas, rather than ask for something. Matia: But... i still want my toys. I want Beyblades! (his current interest..) Me: But that's not what Christmases are for.. Matia: (after some deep thoughts...) Ok fine.. I will give away my toys.. only mine. I won't give away Nathan's toys. Me: That's good! Glad you understand it. Matia: But mommy said she will buy me Beyblades for birthday.. :D I find that despite of not joining children church for the past year due to MCO, his understanding about concept of who God is are quite remarkable for his age. From time to time, he surprised us with his understanding from what he reads (or more like what I shared) in the bible and use it in daily