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Love. Lost.

He told me about his new girlfriend. How should an ex response i wonder? It's just weird to listen to your ex talking about his new girlfriend. Anger? Jealousy? I really don't know.

Perhaps there's a devil in me that actually hope that it wouldn't work between them.

How scary it is to feel this way... It was my 1st relationship, and it ended badly. I asked myself whether i did the right thing to insist on keeping the friendship between us? He was reluctant, but i pushed him into it. I thought I've cope with it, but today, it seems to be back, haunting me.

I'm not a saint, or a great person. I have an emotional side which I always tried to hide it away. I portrayed myself as strong, but when it comes to love and relationship, i felt so weak and idiotic. Am I hoping to get back with him? I dunno. I hope not. I dun want to. I still missed him at times. The times that we had together. I still remember every detail of our dates.. I still keep things that he gave me. But I'm rational enough to know that there wouldn't be a 2nd chance for us. It's over and I will not go back to it.

It's been 7 months since I decided it's over. What a coincident, it's 7 again. We started off in July, and ended 7 months later. And after 7 months, here I am, pouring my feelings about him in this blog. Pathetic huh? The reason that i express it here coz I know he will never read about this, and I dun want to keep this feeling inside me any longer.

Dun worry guys. It's juz a temporary effect. I'll get thru this in no time. Dun worry. I will focus back on my plans. I'm just startled to meet this devil in me again. Our chat went off in a nice tone though, and I wished him all the best with her. He thanked me. I sent a smiling emoticon. I guess that's the end of our love. It's lost. Forever.

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