Lights on Me

11 more days to go. Starting next month, I will be living a different life. Working life it is. Wonder why I blog so much these days. Not some world changing material, but I just find that there are lots of things that I couldn't share it out. Basically, not many people that I can speak to. Now, with me going out from the office, going out to meet customers on my own, it will be tough. I think I will feel much more lonelier than what I am now. Mark asked me, whether I want to reconsider. I know he's joking, but I'm actually feel reluctant to go. Many reasons that contributes to it. But well, I have sign the contract. No turning back. Lonely or not, life still goes on. Things changed so much for the past few months. Emotionally, I'm not as stable as I think I am. I just chose to hide what I think, or what I feel. In fact I don't feel anything in particular. It's just numb. Just smile. Let others around me be happy, and not feeling bad because of me. I know it...

Few minutes ago, I cancelled the games that I used to play like mad on FB. No more Mafia Wars or Cafe World. They are out of my life once and for all. It has been tough to put up on it and seriously I don't have much time for all that from now on. No more late night updates on the games. I have much more to do and achieve in my hands now. Still few more things to go: 1) Myspace 2) Tagged 3) Netlog - cancelled 1 account, 1 more to go. 4) Zorpia 5) Friendster Item (1) - (5): I don't even remember the passwords.. How la. Looking back on all this social network, it's really hilarious. I never recall how many social network site that I have registered through out the years. How silly was I to meet people virtually. It does impacted me as I am never a social person and I'm much comfortable going online. I guess, having FB as the sole so-called "Social point" is enough. I don't need 5 other sites that offers similar thing. Alright, back to work!

Age has definitely catch up with me. Been clubbing whole night through and had only short naps today due to the urge to watch F1 qualifying and actual race. And now, after wearing heels whole night, and losing sleeping time, I feel like my whole body is falling apart. Been doing lots of thinking yesterday, was wondering when will I let my brain stop thinking. I asked myself lots of questions, about myself and decisions I made recently. Who am I actually? How does others perceive me? How does my friends think of me? Reason was actually pretty simple. I made lots of decision that I feel like I am being taken granted of. They know me too well. No matter what they do, I will still be their friends. JP told me, I must have needs, must have the guts to tell them I need a favor, I need attention, to put it in simple words, I must have guts to demand. Why do I let people walk all over me, without saying a word? Is it because I don't like confrontation? Or is it I'm afraid that if I con...

Everyone has dreams and targets in life, some are even obssessed with target setting. Perhaps it's due to my nature of work, I hate targets and I hate setting targets. It actually constrain one self into doing repetitive work and routine day in day out, just to achieve that 'particular' target. Where is self-enhancement and personality growth in this? THIS is the problem working in an MNC. Put aside targets in work, I remembered one of my friends, back in Uni, she set herself a target to have a family before she turns 30. 8 years down the road, she's a divorcee. When I asked what changes, she said, she was too impatient to get married back then. She has a son, but the custody was given to her ex-husband and she can only see him once in a month. Sad? Regrets? Maybe she has her own mind on it. But I can feel that she is relieved, being given a 2nd chance in life outside the stressful marriage. People do silly things just to achieve something that they are craving. In re...

Got my ears pierced again. For the 2nd time, as the 1st one was a failure. This time, I will make sure it stays because there's no way that I will be doing this again and again... unless I'm addicted to the pain. Anyway, had my day at the immigration office. I finally got my passport, but the pictures sucks. Kev said I looked like outdated China girl who just came to the city for the very first time. Well mainly its due to the photographer who keep asking me to put my hair behind the ears. He said I have to do that because I have to show my ears in the picture or they will reject it. So my trendy bob hairstyle flew out the window and I ended up with a 'ah lian' picture for the next 5 years. Even the immigration office were skeptical with the picture as I looked really different in the pictures. If not for the same top that I wore, he could have asked me to retake my pictures.. sigh. Well, what is there to complain? As long as I get my passport and I will start my journ...

Had dinner in Sushi Tei @ Tropicana with Zura today.. Really full now, with pieces of sushi still swimming in my stomach. Sometimes, the best way to end a day is to hangout with friends, especially those good one who accepts you no matter what you did. New month, new target, life going to change very soon. Maybe I wont have time for anything else. Soon, my mind will be on my work all the time. Nothing else to think about. Current changes that happens in my life, is it for good or bad, I really dunno. People said I smile a lot, said that I looked much happier these days. Looking lots more attractive and all the good things that they usually said to impress. Yes, I changed how I look like. But am I really happy? Maybe yes, maybe no. My mind is thinking a lot of stuffs, things that make me feeling depressed and things that make me feeling good. Maybe I am having bipolar disorder. It's really dangerous, because I do not know whether I'm having psychological problem or whether this ...