Skip to main content

ICU - 5th day

Got a call from the hopital at 8:07am today. His BP dropped significantly - 56/33. They asked me to come immediately.

I rushed out with the same clothes i wore, ouldnt care much. It was trafic everywhere, i was driving recklessly. Suddenly i wanted to listen to worship songs, i switched it on my phone, i chose Hillsong's Hosanna. When it finished, these were the following songs:

1) How do i live without you - LeeAnn Rimes
2) i need a doctor - Dr.Dre/Eminem
3) i will survive - gloria gaynor....

Coincident?

Reached hospital after 40 mins. Dr. Ting told me to be prepared, his condition is really weak. I said i understand. They are trying their best. But his life is in God's hand.

Now I am sitting here right beside him, writing this blog. I really pray for him to let go already.

Papa,

It's ok to let go. We will take care of Granny. You don't have to worry. Mum, leonard, i will be taking care of her. Don't worry about Paul's college fees, muma already prepared everything for him. There will be enough money for him to study when time comes.

I told you before, and I am telling you again. We all have forgiven you, and I hope you forgive us as well. I am sorry for not spending more time with you in the past 10 years. I let anger and hatred covers my heart. It wasnt easy for all of us i would admit. The last 2 weeks has been both heart wrenching and happiest time we had together.

Never expect the time goes by that fast. I could have one more.

Papa, again, its ok o let go. We will miss you as you are. We will ever forget you no matter what happened. We love you.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Road back home -A marriage of accounting, planning, and acting skills

What a jovial mood i'm in. Nothing particular exciting but just felt good, at least until now. Gonna go back home later on a 2 1/2 hours of bus travel... Sigh... Just realized that I've been travelling back home like this for years. During my uni days (hah, sound like it's been so long!), i couldn't afford to travel back home every weekends/month. Too far away and the only transport available is airplane. So, I went back twice or a year, sometimes during holidays, sometimes during term break. Remembering back then, we students are really good in calculating the lowest expenditures to go back home.. Many of us had actually mastered all the required skills (accounting and planning skills) and can easily passed off as travel agents or accountants. We even mastered our acting skills especially to the staffs in airlines booking agency and airports ( it's due to the fact that we are almost certain to bring overweight luggage every time we stepped on an airplane).. The who...

My Donkey

Remember the annoying, big mouthed yet good in nature Donkey in Shrek and Shrek 2? Can you remember any friends that resembles the Donkey? And seriously, I DO NOT MEAN PHYSICALLY!!! Recently, I've come to realized that there are lots of " Donkeys " in my life. Don't feel offended if I'm referring anyone as a donkey, coz do put in mind that at the same time, I'm an Ogre too. Yep, it's funny how some friends tend to annoyed us so much that we would like to tell them to shut their mouth sometimes! They will keep on going just to keep us annoyed even you've give out all the possible signals and hints that you're really not in the mood to join in their play. But their patience is somewhat last for eternity. They'll follow you around just to keep you in their watching distance. Although some may not resembled the loud Donkey in Shrek, but they do have other ways to annoy you. I have this particular friend who were so choosy and annoying, and somet...

Whirlwind

It has been a whirlwind like for the past month. Had a depresive episode and anxiety attack last month, and still recovering from it. This is not the first time in depression, but it scares me alot compare to the last one some 12 years ago. I find myself gasping for air, reaching out for help, so that i can stay afloat in the midst of darkness and drowining. I remembered Kel alot during the past month or so.. the mental image of him lifeless, reminds me again and again, that I need to hang on in there, and put in effort to be alive. I am thankful to God in many ways, to give me the courage to walk out from this unscathed. Rather, I was given the chance to learn who I am as a person. I was exposed to my own shortcomings even when I refuse to see it, I was challenged to 'let go' to things and emotional burden that I have been carrying all this while. I spoke to more people in the past month then I ever spoke to in the year before. I knew I was desperate, and I needed to see and...