Lights on Me

Charles Dicken's London in his writing, has always been sad, dramatic and depressive. Such a gloomy place I would say. That's how Sweeney Todd was pushed to the edge, ending his miserable life with such a cold and cruel murder. Who to say he is wrong? Or right? When life is unfair, it haunts you even in your sleep. You might be more hardworking than others, but yet, you might not be successful. You might put in most effort in your work, draining yourself to to the edge of insanity, but yet, you might not get the recognition from your superior. You might been the one most caring and most willing to be there for him/her, but you might not be the one he/she loves. You might help out the most in your family, but you might not be loved and respected like your brother. He/she might be the nicest person to you, caring and loving, and understanding, but he/she might not be the one for you. The world is never fair, most will agree. I agreed too. A friend said to me that Valentine's ...

This is how i felt these days. Anti social. Illogical. Moody. Exhausted. Frustrated. Blue. Poor. And... OLD. At this point, i really believe that the light is out. No more lights on me, cause I don't want any attention on me. I just want to move out, and live a simple life. At the age of 25 going to 26, I still worried how my family will feel if I told them I want a vacation. As I always remember, having a vacation is a waste of money, waste of time. That's what they think. At this moment too, I felt lonely for not having my partner around me. Jealous and envy for those who have someone special, near by them. I need love, and care. Not from everyone, but only from him. Work has not been easy, thoughts of getting a new one, but still, I just got my confirmation. I'm ambitious, I want much more from this fragile life. I want to achieve things that people do not expect from me. I know people around me, doesnt care for my existence, it doesn't matter at all. Just want to li...

My niece went home last Sunday. I held her close to my chest, feeling her being comfortable with me, feeling her that she's reluctant to leave too, it wasn't a happy moment for us. I speak to her, telling her to be good, and tell her that how much I would missed her. Could she understand? She was very quiet that night, quite different from the her usual behaviour. I think she knows . Everyday, I looked at her photos and her videos, remembering how she will stare at the camera, and opened her eyes widely, how she smile when we dress her up, how she respond to all out silly baby talks.. I hope she knows that we all loved her, and how we have missed her this past few days. Although almost impossible, I hope that she can remember this short staying here with us. Miss u babe! Love this picture, pretty and sweet with rosy cheeks. Photo shoot on 08/09/2007. "What are you looking at?!" Photo shot on 09/09/2007.

" I'm telling you loosen up my buttons baby (uh huh), but you keep fronting (uh)...." - Pussycat's Dolls' Buttons. I wonder what is so interesting bout a bunch of hot looking girls to put their lust & horniness in a song? Why keep asking someone to open up their buttons, just do it yourself and things start to burn. Yeah baby! (imitating Austin Powers) Anyway, few buttons that's very very important in my life these days: No. 1: Look carefully and you'll see the oily surface on the buttons. as the result of our oily fingers stomping on the keyboard. Without it, I dunno whether i would survive the terror of pc-less!! No. 2 consists of trusty buttons where so far, 2+2 and 2x2 still equals 4. Usage, Daily. No. 3 , only button in-use: 3!!! Strategically situated beside No.1, another worthy set of buttons to least give some cool breeze. No.4 See that clear white buttons? Without any numbers on it? Caused by compulsive thumb typing disorder. Few more butto...

I'm supposed to move to the apartment, last week. Dad postponed it. I'm suppoed to move my things to the apartment.. again..Dad postponed it... again. I wanted to stay alone for awhile, but they wanted to rent the room out.. they didn't ask my opinion.. I wanted to be free, but i can't. I wanted to fly, but they tied me up. I wanted my own life, but they can't let go. Yes, I'm a greedy, self-centred, egocentric bitch! But I still have the rights to choose my life. What are you expecting me to do? I got tired of sounding up my opinions. No one listens anyway. Because I'm a girl. Only Leonard's worth listening. Always Leonard... I got tired living in his shadows.

What is a home? A place to stay, a place to live and a place when you feel welcomed and safe all the time?? Perhaps, I'm a pessimist. I spend more time on my work more than anything in my life. Life after work, I supposed, should be warm and comforting. With gaining respect from my parents and my family, that I earn, and get my own car finally, by myself. Maybe I'm ultra-sensitive. I felt left out from my own family. Is it because of the baby? I doubted it. If it is, it's just an excuse. I have to move out from this house, which I assumed still my 'HOME'. No one to talk to, no one to listen. Better to move out and stay away. So tired.

One night, my Ah Yee (My Aunt, mum's sister) said to me: "Ah Ling ah, your nose is big and fleshy. It indicates that you will be having a good life in the future." Literally means that I will earn big bucks in the future. Yay! Money come money come... "But your nostrils can see the sky (whatever it means) , it means you are like me! Earn big and spend big. But no worries, you won't get poor." Haha, so I can spend whatever I want from now on?? "You have a round face, lots of bak (means meat or flesh in Hokkien), indicates that you will get early recognition from your boss. Hmm, not bad." Yeah, not bad huh. Should tell my boss and ask for a raise soon! " Your eyebrows are quite nice. Dark and long. It means you will get a good husband in the future. But... wait , where did u get this scar?? Haiya, its not that good la like that. But again the scar not that big, shouldn't be a problem la I think. Hm.." So is it good or not??! How come ...