Lights on Me

My name written in the sand somewhere in Africa.

Today was another typical day of working. With a little different, I wore an old t-shirt to the office. Well, everyone was really surprised, cause it's not even weekend. I figure that I need to save my office outfits for some other occasion rather than spoiling it during my work in the warehouse. I'm generally out of black office wear that can withstand the heat, sweat and dirt that i have to mingle every day. My ego pushed me to the edge today. In my mind, I have a bachelor degree. I'm educated, i have a strong education background, with good academic records. In fact, I am the best student in my faculty. And yet, why on earth am I packing goods in the warehouse?? God knows why. For the past 2 months or so, I have been involved deeply in the whole operation. That is based on an agreement between my manager and I, which requires us to 'fix' the problem in the operation. We did. The delivery system was improved. The waiting time for deliveries has been cut down from ...

6 minutes to midnight, and I'm already dreading going back to work. Couldn't remember since when I felt that reluctant to work. Funny thing is, I don't show any exhaustion and unwillingness once I'm at office. In fact, our director were quite please with my performance. So why do I feel so bad then? Really got no idea. It's really time to move on i think. I got job offers from Sylvia's friends. 2 jobs to be exact. Somehow, I'm not that excited, thinking that I don't want to get another favor from her. Wanted to try to get another job on my own. I lost my previous copy of resume, and to the point when I'm starting to rewrite it...I felt a moment of blankness.. sadly the moment was really a long one.. Well, is it time to move? Almost a year now, just another month and that's it. 1 damn year.

Charles Dicken's London in his writing, has always been sad, dramatic and depressive. Such a gloomy place I would say. That's how Sweeney Todd was pushed to the edge, ending his miserable life with such a cold and cruel murder. Who to say he is wrong? Or right? When life is unfair, it haunts you even in your sleep. You might be more hardworking than others, but yet, you might not be successful. You might put in most effort in your work, draining yourself to to the edge of insanity, but yet, you might not get the recognition from your superior. You might been the one most caring and most willing to be there for him/her, but you might not be the one he/she loves. You might help out the most in your family, but you might not be loved and respected like your brother. He/she might be the nicest person to you, caring and loving, and understanding, but he/she might not be the one for you. The world is never fair, most will agree. I agreed too. A friend said to me that Valentine's ...

This is how i felt these days. Anti social. Illogical. Moody. Exhausted. Frustrated. Blue. Poor. And... OLD. At this point, i really believe that the light is out. No more lights on me, cause I don't want any attention on me. I just want to move out, and live a simple life. At the age of 25 going to 26, I still worried how my family will feel if I told them I want a vacation. As I always remember, having a vacation is a waste of money, waste of time. That's what they think. At this moment too, I felt lonely for not having my partner around me. Jealous and envy for those who have someone special, near by them. I need love, and care. Not from everyone, but only from him. Work has not been easy, thoughts of getting a new one, but still, I just got my confirmation. I'm ambitious, I want much more from this fragile life. I want to achieve things that people do not expect from me. I know people around me, doesnt care for my existence, it doesn't matter at all. Just want to li...

My niece went home last Sunday. I held her close to my chest, feeling her being comfortable with me, feeling her that she's reluctant to leave too, it wasn't a happy moment for us. I speak to her, telling her to be good, and tell her that how much I would missed her. Could she understand? She was very quiet that night, quite different from the her usual behaviour. I think she knows . Everyday, I looked at her photos and her videos, remembering how she will stare at the camera, and opened her eyes widely, how she smile when we dress her up, how she respond to all out silly baby talks.. I hope she knows that we all loved her, and how we have missed her this past few days. Although almost impossible, I hope that she can remember this short staying here with us. Miss u babe! Love this picture, pretty and sweet with rosy cheeks. Photo shoot on 08/09/2007. "What are you looking at?!" Photo shot on 09/09/2007.

" I'm telling you loosen up my buttons baby (uh huh), but you keep fronting (uh)...." - Pussycat's Dolls' Buttons. I wonder what is so interesting bout a bunch of hot looking girls to put their lust & horniness in a song? Why keep asking someone to open up their buttons, just do it yourself and things start to burn. Yeah baby! (imitating Austin Powers) Anyway, few buttons that's very very important in my life these days: No. 1: Look carefully and you'll see the oily surface on the buttons. as the result of our oily fingers stomping on the keyboard. Without it, I dunno whether i would survive the terror of pc-less!! No. 2 consists of trusty buttons where so far, 2+2 and 2x2 still equals 4. Usage, Daily. No. 3 , only button in-use: 3!!! Strategically situated beside No.1, another worthy set of buttons to least give some cool breeze. No.4 See that clear white buttons? Without any numbers on it? Caused by compulsive thumb typing disorder. Few more butto...