Lights on Me

Here I am, alone at home. Both my housemates has plans to go out. I can't help feeling lonely tonight. Then, I realized that I don't have much friends to hang out. Really have this feeling of going to Starbucks, grab a coffee and see some strangers. SY, you are not getting any younger. I know. But I am not looking for a spouse. Not yet. I am not ready. I need someone by my side though. Someone that will encourage me to move on. Someone that will love me for who I am. Not someone that they want to make me into. SY, time to move on with life. I want to. I thought I can live alone. Without anyone. Just to realize, I am not that strong after all. Now what? Hitting the gym, shower, go Starbucks, grab a latte, read a book. That's another day.

I m just stoned by the news that he is dead. My ex and my dearest friend. In fact all the flash backs appear in my mind. My heart thinking of things that I wanted to share with him, the chats, the pictures, the experience, to bring him to see my niece... All that I've promised,it cannot be done now. Although we are so far apart, I felt tremendous guilt and sadness. Wish I could have more time to talk to him again or to see him again. I wish I could see him again. I really wish... I dunno what should I feel.. Or say. Or think. I just cant believe everything that happened. I can't continue writing this blog. At least not today. My tears keep flowing, thinking bout him.

Hey Mido, I still can't believe that you are gone. Your friend left me a message in FB. I wasn't sure whether I was prepared to hear it. The war took away your life. But I am sure that was what you really wanted to do. Given the 2nd chance, you would have go for the war again against the government. Can't even believed that the last time we talked was on my birthday last year. If I can turn back time, I would have told you how much I missed you my friend. After knowing you for 6 years, you are one of my closest friend. I am sorry for hurting your feelings. I am sorry that we can't be together. I am sorry for putting your life in misery. I am sorry for everything. When your friend told me that your security question for you FB account is my name, my heart literally sank. I should believed what you told me all this while. I am really sorry Mido. Your people is slowly winning the war from your government.I know you will be happy to hear in heaven. As that was wha...

Again, I have not blog for quite some time. Was thinking about our family today.I went back to Klang, to see my mum. Chatted with her awhile, then slept for the rest of the day. She's getting old for sure. Yet, she still have so much more to do for everyone. For me, I am staying away from family for years. And I tried my best to go back home as often as I can. Yesterday, saw my niece's pictures on Facebook. Funny how it became these days. The last time I saw her was in January, the day she was born. It has been more than 5 months now, and I didn't see her at all. What has become of our life? Thinking back into my childhood, Leonard and I were so close. We grew up together, and fight with each other all the time. That was the best time of life. Later in life, we grew apart. He pursue his career in music, while I went Sabah for 4 years. He got married, and moved to KL. I left the house to work in KL. We met occasionally at family functions. However, there are much less to...

I have a crazy idea, to start my own business. I spoke to few people, yet, others seems to be in their comfort zone. They want to stay put in their current situation. Or are they not confident enough with me. Am I the ambitious one here? As far as I know, I do not want to work for people in the future. I want to work for myself. Answering to myself. Taking off whenever I want. Current working condition has been really tough. Answering questions. Managing perceptions especially. It was a new term that I learned few months back. To progress, every thing is about management's perception towards you. We even have a panel for higher management to review on us yearly. If you fu**** something up, you are done. You will never ever be able to move on. I only wonder how did people manage to work there for donkey years. Don't they get tired or bored with the same people, same job? Occasionally, seeing people who did not work as hard as you get all the recognition they want. I know...

I got an iPad from My company! I can't believe it. While JC and DES is selling theirs, I'm keeping this one. For my own pleasure, and lending to Irfee and Kev for showing off. Thanks to 2010, for being such a good year. Thank God for giving me a such blessings. We reap what we sow, that's the theory ain't it? All I hope for this year is to keep the momentum going. Not hitting blue sky is ok, this is the foundation year for FSE. All I want is to keep on hitting target, have the patience to close those pipelines and be prepare for 2012. Whaddya think? Hehe, achievable? 12 more days and I'm moving! Excited? Definitely! Can't wait to move. ;)

I see the King of glory Coming on the clouds with fire The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes I see His love and mercy Washing over all our sin The people sing, the people sing Hosanna, hosanna Hosanna in the highest Hosanna in the highest I see a generation Rising up to take the place With selfless faith, with selfless faith I see a near revival Stirring as we pray and seek We're on our knees, we're on our knees Heal my heart and make it clean Open up my eyes to the things unseen Show me how to love like You have loved me Break my heart for what breaks Yours Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause As I walk from earth into eternity