Lights on Me

God, if I can't have what I want, let me want what I have. ~ Anonymous prayer This is an interesting quote that i'll like to share. Never in my life that i've prayed to God, I prayed for contentment in everything that i have in my life. I was never satisfy with what i have, and it couldn't be cure until this moment that i'm typing. Human greed can never be satisfy. I'm not exaggerating because it's true. Sadly, it's a natural defect that we were born with. Parent's will never be satisfied with their children... Children will always want more freedom from their parents... Husbands will always think their wives should be more beautiful... Wives will always think that their husbands should be more wealthier than suppose... People will always think that they deserve better... More money, more success, more enjoyment, more, more, more.....! That's human. Apparently, that's me too. I was never content with what i have, never. I keep questioning mys...

February 23, 2006. REUTERS Saw this hillarious ad on-line today and i couldn't stop but putting it up here too. Anyway, for you guys who haven't seen this ad, believe it or not, this was a part of an A$180 million worth of tourist destination campign launched by Australian Tourism Ministry. How are they planning to attract tourists? Yeah, by CURSING them! What a wonderful idea! Now why didn't we think of that? :-) This is definitely one of the coolest and most creative advertising slogan for any tourism campign in history i've ever seen. Well, we might think using crude language as a tourism campign might not be such a good idea. But the Australians think otherwise. "This is presenting Australia as we are. We're plain-speaking, we're friendly. It's using the vernacular." Australian Tourism Minister Fran Bailey told the reporters. Obviously, they don't think it'll affect their country's image at all. Compared to our Malaysia's Touri...

"You'll survive", my boss told me. "You are always a strong person. If you're still the same person i know." He said again. Yeah, that's how i portrayed myself.. I'm always the stronger one. Never panicked over any troubles that hit me in the face. Always the 'cool' one when there's disaster.. (even my mum don't believe my reactions after the dog bit my finger..) Always have solutions to everything. Always the one people would turn to. Always the one that people looked up to. Always the one ............ Sometimes i even felt that my boss did actually looked up to me too. Hah, what an ego prick myself! Somehow, i felt lonely behind this 'strong' persona. The image that i portrayed is hurting myself, bit by bit. I can keep cool even when i'm talking about something that really hurts me. Not even a tear, just like what I did a while ago. There goes again, my brain are thinking of a strategy to survive through the storm. Could...

Just got this picture from Sandra. from left: Me, Winnie and Sandra Ooi. It's been months since we see each other, that was the last picture that we took together, as coursemates, as school mates. Many things have changed for the past few months. Suddenly it feels like every promises that we made to be in touch always have been broken. Guess, there are more important to things to look out for, rather than SMS-ing or keep updating each other about our life. Many have moved on, but i think i'm stuck at the point where friends are still around, sharing dreams and having fun together. Memories of celebrating birthdays, rushing for assignments, hanging out at cafes and movies.... It came back to me quite often recently. The result, i felt so lonely and maybe a little bit depressed. The effects on me was amplified by the broke-up with my ex-boyfriend. I felt as though people are running away from me. All my friends and even my family. Well, it might not be true but this is definitely...

9 days.. glad that i made through the 1st phase of the "21 Days Theory". Would really like to thank Kat for the companionship through out the week. Thanks for giving me the ride home yesterday too. Wow...been really busy these past 2 days. Lot's of work to be done as the interviews gonna start by next week. Somewhat a good change to distract my mind about relationship. Nevertheless, i actually gave a deep thought about my job, my surroundings, everything that i have gained for the past 2 months ++... Being such an enthusiasts in the academic field, i found myself not enjoying the job as i thought i'll be. There's seem to be a gap between my expectations and the reality. My expectations... people in the academic field are open minded about sharing informations and knowledge. In reality... no one cares about you, not even you co-researcher or anyone that you're working closely with. Believe me, NO ONE. U ask questions, u find answers. Credit to the team, u...

Funny feelings, unexplainable and yet quite distracting.. 6 days into it. Tomorrow's Valentine's Day. Guess it wouldn't be as easy as i thought. Felt the heart running back to him. Though it's impossible to see him even if we're back together, but the fact that having some one special with you (if, of course!!!) on this day, it'll be sweet certainly. But yeah, not celebrating this year. Next year maybe, hopefully. Wonder how are you doing now? Must been tiring prior to the celebration of Valentine's Day.. poor thing..you never get enough rest u know? But you know how to take care of yourself, and i'm learning too. Had a great weekend here, i had the chance to dine at the famous Capitol Satay Celup, a unbelievable popular place here in Melaka. People were waiting outside the humble shop (believe me, the looks of the shop is far from appealing!) for their turns while we were dining. And the crowd gets larger and larger as we moved through the night. Even m...

OK.. not gonna talk about my break-up stories today. I'll just let the The Theory of 21 Days have it's say. However, i would like to confess that i still tried to message him yesterday, last night and even this morning. Apparently i'm still missing him alot. Pathetic huh? It's ok i guess, i still have 20 more days to go.. :-) Anyway, kinda happy today. Sandra sent me an e-mail, informing me about a vacancy in her company. Without thinking much, i sent my CV over, and guess what? The director has arranged to see me in 2 weeks time. Didn't think that it'll go on this fast but yeah, what the heck. I'm gonna try it out. Who knows if i really got the job? It'll will be new refreshing life after all. HAHAHAHA!!! And tomorrow, i'll be having an outing with some 'unknown' friends. Gonna tour around Melaka for the next 2 days. Well, i just need to go out and have fun. Probably i'll get to know some cool places to introduce to Ju when she's her...

I told myself not to think bout him. But it keeps coming back from time to time. The only improvement is, i'm not crying for him anymore.. I told myself i had enough of it. A friend told me that i'll need at least 21 days to get over it. Why 21 days? Why not 10, 11 or 12? Why 21? She never answered me. Guess i'll need to find out myself. Let's see where i'll be after 21 days. Perhaps this is how it's formulated: 1st 7 days (or the 1st week) This is "The Mourning Period" where i'll feel anger, upset, guilt and all other negative emotions. Hating both myself and him, blaming all the secandary factors that cost me the break up. Should be going through the crying to bed moments. Sigh..Tough week ahead then.. 2nd week (day 8-14) Time to accept that we've break up. I'll remember all the sweet and painful moments that i've gone through. I guess i will stop hating him at this time, perhaps even loved him back for all the experiences and lifeti...

I hope that you'll read my blog someday. Coz there're so many shadows and foot prints of yours all over it...and i want you to know about it. At last, we settle it nicely. Nicely as in we both agree to walk alone without each other again. U became the young friend that used to come to chat with me. The friend who shares and cares. Rather than the confused partner for the past 7 months. You're graduating today, congrats again. Didn't know that you're going to the convo. Why didn't you tell me? But, what if you tell me? There isn't anything that i can or i need to do about it. It doesn't matter anymore. U finally replied my message, and i call u back. Everything seemed to be so hard for me. Gladly, it doesn't goes hard on you. When i made the decision yesterday, i was thinking about what'll happen to you. I felt the guilt whole day long, not able to eat and think properly. Crying out hard and loud. For a moment, i had a glimpse of ending my life. T...

I made a major decision today. A really tough decision to make. It took me a great courage to do it and i promise myself that i won't regret it. Honestly, I do not know whether it's right or wrong, but i guess it'll be better for both of us. Exactly 7 months from the day it started, it ended today. So long for our dreams to reach the magical thousand. Heartbreaking as it may be, at least it's a new start. Hopefully from now on, we don't have to carry this burden anymore. I lifted mine today, and i hope u felt relief too after all this while. U haven't answer me but i guess i've already made up my mind. A fact that i really want you to understand, my feelings haven't change a bit. Things just didn't workout the way we wanted it. From today on, I'll need to learn to walk alone and start a new life without u. U're a strong person, and i know that u'll live on a good life, even without me. I'm sorry if i've hurt you in the past 7 mont...

It was along day for me. Things haven't been okay lately. It's like a stone gathering moss. I felt the moss covering every inch of the surface, suffocating myself under it. I don't recognize myself anymore lately. I think differently, i acted differently, i sound differently. But how come no one notice? Not even the closest person in my life? You've been hurting me more and more, and i take it all, as though it was a treasure to me. I hold to it so tightly, not wanting it to leave me. Not wanting you to leave. Thinking about what u replied me today, it hurt me so much that i wish i could die. After all this while, this is how it's gonna end? I've wept silently thru out the day. I'm scared of people looking at me this way. So vulnerable, so pathetic, so weak and ugly.

This is my first blog here. Planning to start out fresh and sharing my stories to people who would listen. Things getting tough in life. Got to go on still.