Skip to main content

Moving on


Just got this picture from Sandra.
from left: Me, Winnie and Sandra Ooi.

It's been months since we see each other, that was the last picture that we took together, as coursemates, as school mates. Many things have changed for the past few months. Suddenly it feels like every promises that we made to be in touch always have been broken. Guess, there are more important to things to look out for, rather than SMS-ing or keep updating each other about our life. Many have moved on, but i think i'm stuck at the point where friends are still around, sharing dreams and having fun together.


Memories of celebrating birthdays, rushing for assignments, hanging out at cafes and movies.... It came back to me quite often recently. The result, i felt so lonely and maybe a little bit depressed. The effects on me was amplified by the broke-up with my ex-boyfriend. I felt as though people are running away from me. All my friends and even my family. Well, it might not be true but this is definitely how i feel right now.

Sandz told me that i need to grow out of it. Yes, i know, but how? All the dreams, the plans and the career, it just seems not real anymore. It seems impossible to achieve what i want. Or perhaps it's me who doesn't want to do so. I'm lagging behind from my friends, my coursemates. I felt the pressure of being the perfect daughter for my parents, the perfect sister for my brothers, and the perfect friend for my friends. All this while, i'm lying to myself. I thought I'm mature enough to decide, to be myself and to ignore what people thinks about me. I'm just a liar!

Yes, i need time. But how much time i need? How much more? I dunno, really dunno. Time will tell, Sandz used to say. Hopefully time really could tell.

Thanks to Sandz, Jules, Sandra, Chai Ling, Kat, and all my friends who's been supportive all this while. I'll need to recharge myself, starting over a new life and a new me. I'm gonna be strong again, for myself, not for others. Promise.

Comments

The Story Teller said…
which is me? Sandz or Sandra? lol. mixed up...
11:32 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Donkey

Remember the annoying, big mouthed yet good in nature Donkey in Shrek and Shrek 2? Can you remember any friends that resembles the Donkey? And seriously, I DO NOT MEAN PHYSICALLY!!! Recently, I've come to realized that there are lots of " Donkeys " in my life. Don't feel offended if I'm referring anyone as a donkey, coz do put in mind that at the same time, I'm an Ogre too. Yep, it's funny how some friends tend to annoyed us so much that we would like to tell them to shut their mouth sometimes! They will keep on going just to keep us annoyed even you've give out all the possible signals and hints that you're really not in the mood to join in their play. But their patience is somewhat last for eternity. They'll follow you around just to keep you in their watching distance. Although some may not resembled the loud Donkey in Shrek, but they do have other ways to annoy you. I have this particular friend who were so choosy and annoying, and somet...
4 comments
Read more

Anger Management

M   : Aunty Sharon, I am angry now.. Me : Why? What happened? M   : Daddy wanted to share my biscuits, I don't want to. Me : What should we do when we are angry? M   :....... Me : Let's breath, and count. M   : Ok Aunty Sharon.. Me : Breath, 1.... Breath... M   : 2... Breath, 3..... Breath 4....(chuckle) Me : Are you ok now? Are you still angry? M   : No, its funny! (Burst out laughing) 13 days in to Movement Control Order, I have spent a lot of time with Matia for the past 13 days. This little boy is turning 5 this year, struggled with some TV addiction, but he did so well today. From spending time playing on his own, painting, trying to read (even when he complains it is difficult), eating lunch by his own without leaving the table, taking in the vegetables which he usually manage to pick out with his tongue, and yes... anger management. We found that he was talking spitefully to both his parents on every small rejection...
Post a Comment
Read more

Whirlwind

It has been a whirlwind like for the past month. Had a depresive episode and anxiety attack last month, and still recovering from it. This is not the first time in depression, but it scares me alot compare to the last one some 12 years ago. I find myself gasping for air, reaching out for help, so that i can stay afloat in the midst of darkness and drowining. I remembered Kel alot during the past month or so.. the mental image of him lifeless, reminds me again and again, that I need to hang on in there, and put in effort to be alive. I am thankful to God in many ways, to give me the courage to walk out from this unscathed. Rather, I was given the chance to learn who I am as a person. I was exposed to my own shortcomings even when I refuse to see it, I was challenged to 'let go' to things and emotional burden that I have been carrying all this while. I spoke to more people in the past month then I ever spoke to in the year before. I knew I was desperate, and I needed to see and...
Post a Comment
Read more