Skip to main content

Ist day without u..

I hope that you'll read my blog someday. Coz there're so many shadows and foot prints of yours all over it...and i want you to know about it.

At last, we settle it nicely. Nicely as in we both agree to walk alone without each other again. U became the young friend that used to come to chat with me. The friend who shares and cares. Rather than the confused partner for the past 7 months.

You're graduating today, congrats again. Didn't know that you're going to the convo. Why didn't you tell me? But, what if you tell me? There isn't anything that i can or i need to do about it. It doesn't matter anymore.

U finally replied my message, and i call u back. Everything seemed to be so hard for me. Gladly, it doesn't goes hard on you. When i made the decision yesterday, i was thinking about what'll happen to you. I felt the guilt whole day long, not able to eat and think properly. Crying out hard and loud. For a moment, i had a glimpse of ending my life. Thank goodness i was strong enough.
Thank goodness i have friends who care and understanding.

We tried to talk. It wasn't as easy as i thought it'll be. Moreover, i've been loving you full heartedly for the past 7 months. Admitting our relationship is a failure was painful. You say it's ok. You felt sorry for making so sad and down. You said sorry for not being the one for me. You said sorry for not able to give what i needed from the relationship. You apologize again. I just kept silent. Nothing more to say.

Apologies accepted. Time to move on. Still there's this big part of my heart still thinking about you. Is it love? I'm not sure anymore. I need to emptied this space for a more suitable person in the future. I told you that i'll still love you, as a friend. I want it to be like before we started as couple. You were kind of reluctant i sensed. Well, take your time. I wouldn't push anymore.

You sounded quite cheerful when we talked. It hit me, why aren't you sad or angry? Because that's how i feel. You said the effect will come few days later. Then you'll grief for it. Hah..still trying to cheer me up. I think you felt guilty over this mess. I'm glad though that you can finally laugh. Haven't heard you having fun for a long time. I made the right decision. It's ok. It's over.

Today is a new day, a refreshing start. For you and for me. Wish you all the best in your life, in your future. Still have thoughts in my mind, but i guess some words are best left unsaid.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Road back home -A marriage of accounting, planning, and acting skills

What a jovial mood i'm in. Nothing particular exciting but just felt good, at least until now. Gonna go back home later on a 2 1/2 hours of bus travel... Sigh... Just realized that I've been travelling back home like this for years. During my uni days (hah, sound like it's been so long!), i couldn't afford to travel back home every weekends/month. Too far away and the only transport available is airplane. So, I went back twice or a year, sometimes during holidays, sometimes during term break. Remembering back then, we students are really good in calculating the lowest expenditures to go back home.. Many of us had actually mastered all the required skills (accounting and planning skills) and can easily passed off as travel agents or accountants. We even mastered our acting skills especially to the staffs in airlines booking agency and airports ( it's due to the fact that we are almost certain to bring overweight luggage every time we stepped on an airplane).. The who...
2 comments
Read more

My funny friend and I

It's funny how it all started. We hated, or perhaps in a better definition, "dislike" each other when we first met. Both of my closest friends were someone that wasn't pleasant having around at first. Probably i'm the one who need to be blamed for not trusting people easily. This particular friend of mine was my schoolmate* in uni (*noted that school here refers to School of Psychology and Social Work, not secondary school/high school/primary school). We heard about each other, we disliked each other, but in a very unexpected way, we became friends after attending a same class in our 2nd year! (God have it's own reason i guess..) She was not in my course by she took on of the subject in my course as an elective. And after the IVAC ( Inter-University AIDS Conference) 2004, we became even closer. Closer than any of my coursemates whom I've accustomed with their presence in my uni life for 2 years. I was really skeptical at first. How can a person trust some...
2 comments
Read more

Face-o-lo-gy

One night, my Ah Yee (My Aunt, mum's sister) said to me: "Ah Ling ah, your nose is big and fleshy. It indicates that you will be having a good life in the future." Literally means that I will earn big bucks in the future. Yay! Money come money come... "But your nostrils can see the sky (whatever it means) , it means you are like me! Earn big and spend big. But no worries, you won't get poor." Haha, so I can spend whatever I want from now on?? "You have a round face, lots of bak (means meat or flesh in Hokkien), indicates that you will get early recognition from your boss. Hmm, not bad." Yeah, not bad huh. Should tell my boss and ask for a raise soon! " Your eyebrows are quite nice. Dark and long. It means you will get a good husband in the future. But... wait , where did u get this scar?? Haiya, its not that good la like that. But again the scar not that big, shouldn't be a problem la I think. Hm.." So is it good or not??! How come ...
2 comments
Read more