Just got this picture from Sandra.
from left: Me, Winnie and Sandra Ooi.
It's been months since we see each other, that was the last picture that we took together, as coursemates, as school mates. Many things have changed for the past few months. Suddenly it feels like every promises that we made to be in touch always have been broken. Guess, there are more important to things to look out for, rather than SMS-ing or keep updating each other about our life. Many have moved on, but i think i'm stuck at the point where friends are still around, sharing dreams and having fun together.
Memories of celebrating birthdays, rushing for assignments, hanging out at cafes and movies.... It came back to me quite often recently. The result, i felt so lonely and maybe a little bit depressed. The effects on me was amplified by the broke-up with my ex-boyfriend. I felt as though people are running away from me. All my friends and even my family. Well, it might not be true but this is definitely how i feel right now.
Sandz told me that i need to grow out of it. Yes, i know, but how? All the dreams, the plans and the career, it just seems not real anymore. It seems impossible to achieve what i want. Or perhaps it's me who doesn't want to do so. I'm lagging behind from my friends, my coursemates. I felt the pressure of being the perfect daughter for my parents, the perfect sister for my brothers, and the perfect friend for my friends. All this while, i'm lying to myself. I thought I'm mature enough to decide, to be myself and to ignore what people thinks about me. I'm just a liar!
Yes, i need time. But how much time i need? How much more? I dunno, really dunno. Time will tell, Sandz used to say. Hopefully time really could tell.
Thanks to Sandz, Jules, Sandra, Chai Ling, Kat, and all my friends who's been supportive all this while. I'll need to recharge myself, starting over a new life and a new me. I'm gonna be strong again, for myself, not for others. Promise.
Comments